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Child support

I’m feeling somewhat strong. “I am finally coming to terms with not wanting my ex husbands child support. Mostly because he sees it as helping me and not helping his child. I find that I feel obligated to him. I think I will feel more free of him, if and when I give up child support “

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Torsten · 36-40, M

If mothers can kill the baby without the fathers consent, the father should be able to abandon it .
I dont agree that a father should be able to avoid his responsibilities but I also dont agree with abortion and think fair is fair when that is all concerned.

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Torsten · 36-40, M

@Adrift ahh yes because fathers dont matter what so ever and just a ATM machine for you. What a shitty attitude to have and you call me a misogynist.
I am the only one out of the two of us who wants equality. You are just another entitled female that feels like the world owes you everything because of what is between your legs. Pretty pathetic

Adrift · 61-69, F

@Torsten I took a stroll through some of yoir posts your just to see what you do support.
Angry and Pathetic.
Welp enjoy being alone.

Torsten · 36-40, M

@Adrift lol and yet try deflecting from this topic to another. I am not angry at all. You can have the opinion of being pathetic, I am a father so would expect no less from you.
As far as being alone, I am happily not in a relationship but I am certainly not alone

OogieBoogie · F

Can i be blunt?

Who cares how HE sees it.

You get to choose how you react to his opinions and actions .

He knows hes baiting you by having this opinion .

Remember , you are your own person, your child has a right to this monetary support.
Even if you put it straight into a savinf account for your kid, and dont use it.

Just sayin'🤷‍♀️

Mindful · 56-60, F

@OogieBoogie it’s been painful emotionally but after 10 years of small income increases, I am not destitute. And I did want the divorce. And I don’t know….I want to feel good about myself and not be the woman he can be the “victim” of suffering.

I have a friend who feels used abused and only hatred towards his ex. In his case it MIGHT be merited… but I can’t be THAT woman in my ex husbands life, now that I can be free of his income after my raises.

Repete · 61-69, M

The money is the kids money . His thinking he’s helping you may be partly true but only in it helps the kid and that might mean you may have an extra dollar or two for yourself . Not for him .
Your feeling obligated , easier said than done maybe but DON’T . He is giving the kid what he should be giving anyway.
This is just my opinion.

Adrift · 61-69, F

@Repete Agreed. Writing a check is the easy part.

Repete · 61-69, M

That’s the truth . Speaking as a single parent myself .@Adrift

meJess · F

You bring up the child, you have the responsibility. He has a responsibility to help with the financial cost of that.

What you ex thinks is no longer valuable opinion. He simply has a responsibility to pay for the welfare of a child he fathered.

Adrift · 61-69, F

You shouldn't feel obligated to him, its his responsibility to help support his child.

LunarOrbit · 56-60, M

Its not about you.

Its not about him.

Its for the kid. Period.

Mindful · 56-60, F

@LunarOrbit he doesn’t see it that way

Carazaa · F

❤️ How would the kids like that?

I understand that you are angry but swallow your pride, take the money and give your kids nice memories with that money, vacations, a nice place to live, or college tuitions, etc.

And be nice to him too, your kids deserve mature parents who are loving to one another. If he was never nice then you show them how a mature adult handles herself.

Fukfacewillie · 51-55, M

Take the money for the kids.

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Mindful · 56-60, F

@Zeusdelight thanks but they do. And I know you don’t know me but I don’t have the will to live so I Maoist definitely do t want to fight this. I’m have been depressed my entire life. Now I am experiencing jealousy and anger. It is unhealthy for my daughter to see me this way. And unhealthy for me to take my anger out on her with harsh words of disdain for the ex wife.

Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

@Mindful Ok, remember then that as a person with depression, as I am, sometimes our thoughts are a little tangled and what seems sensible is actually not. This is especially so when other strong feelings are around as is your case now.

What I now suggest is that you talk this idea out with someone in real life who can reflect back to you what you are saying.

If it fits after that well and good.

Mindful · 56-60, F

@Zeusdelight thank you I really appreciate your wise advice. I also am very proud of myself that —both before him and after him— I have earned enough to make my own living, and I will continue to be able to do so. I might not get her big presents for holidays, but her dad will , and fortunately he will pay all her medical, dental, and school meals. And extra curricular. He’s not a complete louse. But he doesn’t want to pay a dime more for basic needs. In some ways all that is very generous. And in a way, whatever I do to support her on top of that really will be MY doing so. My current boyfriend says he will not let us go hungry either. :-) because I have a salary (albeit half of what his is) I can support myself just enough—as long as I have a job. I’m pretty sure both he and his wife will pay her college or help her along those ways.

Jabulani

🤗

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