Question for people with children or step children My bf has a 9 year old daughter and though...

Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

I wonder what she thinks is really happening between you two.

Does the Mother know? If she does the 9 year old may already know.

Nevertheless, I would start showing occasional affection and continue building it to a natural level and let her ask questions if she wants to.

PicturesOfABetterTomorrow · 41-45, M

Not a parent myself but my sister was in a similar situation not that long ago. Kids are observant and pick up on stuff. If she is very comfortable around you and if the split between her parents is not really fresh chances are any time would be fine. It could lead to some questions from her so make sure you do it when you have time to answer any questions she might have.

But don't be surprised if she also responds with "I know."

SW-User

Let him talk to her, and give her time to come to terms with it, ask questions and to understand what this means for her. When I was a kid I was so resentful of Mia because I felt she was trying to replace my mum. The fact that nobody sat and talked through with me how I felt about it all just made me kick back against it and make her life hell

BrokenAbyss

I think now is as good of a time as any. My son is 8, so I think old enough to handle the news. I haven’t found a stable relationship, if I did I would be honest with him. But if dad hasn’t dated since, I get why he’s apprehensive too. IT’s uncharted territory after a divorce.

WhateverWorks · 36-40

Definitely skipping a lot of steps here to soften this for the kiddo. Seems like he should be having bite sized conversations with her about how she feels about him dating in general. It’s wise to get the mom on same page to lessen co-parenting complications. Once that topic has been successfully introduced he could start asking how kiddo feels about you. It may take quite a while before she’s ok with these ideas, nevermind you guys actually being together and what that may mean for her. If it looks like you guys aren’t making any headway then family counseling is a good idea.

HootyTheNightOwl

Lol... I can see how this is going to be playing out.

Kid turns up at your diamond wedding anniversary... "By the way, your da and I have been married 50 years today".

Teggy

This is not a thing to take lightly.

Only introduce yourselves as a couple if you know it’s a for good thing.

Last this anyone wants is to drag the kids from one relationship to another.

Reinforces that broken relationships are ok.

Notladylike

Sounds like it might be time to have the conversation. My stepson had a lot of trauma so we waited awhile before I was introduced to him. Perhaps her dad could take her out for a one on one dinner and start the conversation

Northwest · M

Do you really think she doesn't know? After one year? Do you remember what you knew at age 9, that you were not supposed to know?

In any case, 1 year of living together is not too early to introduce you as his girlfriend.

JimboSaturn · 51-55, M

I think after a year she wouldn't be that freaked out, but I don't know her.

SW-User

Woah. This should have been addressed with his daughter well before now IMHO, especially if you have been living there for this long. That's way too late, she may feel manipulated or lied to if she finds out now. Why is your bf putting it off for that long? It just creates unnecessary awkwardness for everyone to have him put it off for this long. Is he trying to hide having a gf from his ex (his daughter's mother) for some reason and doesn't want his daughter to tell?