Question for people with children or step children

My bf has a 9 year old daughter and though she knows her father and I are "roommates", she doesn't know we are in a romantic relationship. We have been in a relationship for a year now, and his daughter is quite comfortable with me. But again...she doesn't know we're dating. We don't kiss or say "I love you" to one another when she's with us (he gets her every other weekend and 3 evenings per week, she does not live with us full time).

Tonight, she and her dad (my bf) were getting ready to leave- he was taking her back to her mom's house- and out of habit, he leaned down to kiss me like he always does, but stopped himself, remembering that his daughter was in the room too.

My question is: when should we tell her we are in a relationship? Should we start showing affection to one another around her? Have any of you dealt with this type of situation? What did you do?

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Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

I wonder what she thinks is really happening between you two.

Does the Mother know? If she does the 9 year old may already know.

Nevertheless, I would start showing occasional affection and continue building it to a natural level and let her ask questions if she wants to.

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

@Zeusdelight I don't think the mother knows. Not sure.

Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

@DearAmbellina2113 That could be a difficulty. The 9 year old may have no real reaction to you as a couple, but her mother will ask all sorts of natural questions of her. When she finds out that you have been there for a while, with her daughter, she probably will have some reaction.

It might be good or it might not be, but I imagine the secrecy may not be taken well. It has to be addressed anyway and always better now than never.

HootyTheNightOwl

@Zeusdelight On the bright side, the girl will be telling them that they are a couple before too much longer.

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

@Zeusdelight her mom knows I live here with the child's father. I just don't know if the mom knows we are dating.

Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

@DearAmbellina2113 SHe probably expects it or has accepted it may be happening already. So maybe not an issue.