Question for people with children or step children

My bf has a 9 year old daughter and though she knows her father and I are "roommates", she doesn't know we are in a romantic relationship. We have been in a relationship for a year now, and his daughter is quite comfortable with me. But again...she doesn't know we're dating. We don't kiss or say "I love you" to one another when she's with us (he gets her every other weekend and 3 evenings per week, she does not live with us full time).

Tonight, she and her dad (my bf) were getting ready to leave- he was taking her back to her mom's house- and out of habit, he leaned down to kiss me like he always does, but stopped himself, remembering that his daughter was in the room too.

My question is: when should we tell her we are in a relationship? Should we start showing affection to one another around her? Have any of you dealt with this type of situation? What did you do?

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WhateverWorks · 36-40

Definitely skipping a lot of steps here to soften this for the kiddo. Seems like he should be having bite sized conversations with her about how she feels about him dating in general. It’s wise to get the mom on same page to lessen co-parenting complications. Once that topic has been successfully introduced he could start asking how kiddo feels about you. It may take quite a while before she’s ok with these ideas, nevermind you guys actually being together and what that may mean for her. If it looks like you guys aren’t making any headway then family counseling is a good idea.

HootyTheNightOwl

@WhateverWorks I agree that mum needs to be told first - not because it's any of her business, but because the daughter might go to her with questions or concerns that she feels.