Question for people with children or step children

My bf has a 9 year old daughter and though she knows her father and I are "roommates", she doesn't know we are in a romantic relationship. We have been in a relationship for a year now, and his daughter is quite comfortable with me. But again...she doesn't know we're dating. We don't kiss or say "I love you" to one another when she's with us (he gets her every other weekend and 3 evenings per week, she does not live with us full time).

Tonight, she and her dad (my bf) were getting ready to leave- he was taking her back to her mom's house- and out of habit, he leaned down to kiss me like he always does, but stopped himself, remembering that his daughter was in the room too.

My question is: when should we tell her we are in a relationship? Should we start showing affection to one another around her? Have any of you dealt with this type of situation? What did you do?

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SW-User

Woah. This should have been addressed with his daughter well before now IMHO, especially if you have been living there for this long. That's way too late, she may feel manipulated or lied to if she finds out now. Why is your bf putting it off for that long? It just creates unnecessary awkwardness for everyone to have him put it off for this long. Is he trying to hide having a gf from his ex (his daughter's mother) for some reason and doesn't want his daughter to tell?

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

@SW-User He hasn't had a gf (before me) in the entire time his daughter has been alive. She only knows him as a single dad, and he didn't want to tell her too soon and shake her whole world up.

daydeeo · 61-69, M

@DearAmbellina2113 Tell her too soon? After you've been cohabitating for a year?
9 year olds can be pretty perceptive.
I don't see any good reason to hide your relationship. And let's face it, that's what you're doing, hiding it.

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

@daydeeo I should have noted in my original post that here in Phoenix it's extremely common to have platonic roommates because housing is insanely expensive. So his daughter thinks her dad having a roommate is completely normal. Her mom had a platonic roommate until recently as well.