How do you think your childhood effect how you are today? I'm sorry its long.

I mentioned I was no contact with my side of the family in my last post which sparked a few messaged asking about it. I will explain.

So I was the 3rd child out of 5.. first girl. My mom adored me (or I thought she did) she was my best friend but she was so sick my entire childhood. I took care of her and helped raise my siblings even my older siblings because they needed extra help.. my older siblings have several special needs and would get us taken away and put into foster care a lot because they would lie about things.. My dad on the other hand I'm his first and only child. He was very emotionally unavailable and would quickly choose physical discipline for any punishment. I lived with my mom because she "needed" me.. but it was just so she could get the snap benefits for all 5 of us. I was made to do all of the housework and take care of my siblings.. I wasn't able to be a child really. Fast forward to highschool I met the love of my life and I started realizing the emotional abuse I was going through.. I thought it was all normal.

My 2nd year of highschool I was told I had to drop out of school and get a second job because my mother was too sick to work and I had to take over as the provider. I got my GED and started online college to try to better myself but at 17 I found myself pregnant and I ended up having a stillborn on my 18th birthday. Then I was kicked out of my mothers house (She couldn't get benefits anymore for me since I was an adult) and had nowhere to go until I finally found an apartment and still had to take care of everything and help her financially.. Then 6 months after my 18th birthday my mother passed away and at that point in my life I started opening my eyes to how toxic my side of the family is...

Now my dad is a better dad than he used to be but we still fight sometimes.

AngelUnforgiven · 51-55, F

Wow i'm so sorry. To answer your question about how it affects you, truthfully it depends on how strong you are. I had this conversation with my best friend about 2 nights ago. I saw my 1st murder at 9 years old. My oldest brother, every single one of his friends were murdered. EVERY single one. 16 in all. We were going to funerals literally once a month. So i was telling my friend that i'm surprised that i'm not messed up or have any mental issues or even taken drugs from the things that i have seen and went through growing up i have no idea honestly how i was able to come out unscathed by it all. Its like it followed me for a while. I went to college attended my 1st and last football game ever because a childhood friend was killed right in front of me a guy walked up behind him and shot him in the back of the head he was 2 rows below me in the bleachers and i watched it happen. I was so proud of him because he made it out and I thought that going to college we had escaped it but not even there was safe.

Adogslife · 61-69, M

Family isn’t really anything but a concept to me. I lived it, but there was no love. I was just taught to excel, primarily by a narcissistic mother.

Fast forward to adulthood, I was disowned and disinherited. Somehow, introspection has led to forgiveness (albeit posthumously) which in turn has led to deep inner happiness.

Like any struggle, you’ve got to grasp the silver lining. You don’t have to love your family. You do have to love yourself.

YoMomma ·

Wow.. i’m sorry to hear all that 😐 my dad is super religious but i got pregnant at 20 when i ran away to tx to see a guy online (went out with 3 other guys instead there) and then left to go home when my bf/fiancé wanted to chase other women.. i never saw him again when i went home my family didn't want me talking to him and then my dad frowned on premarital sex and unwed mothers and forced me to do hard labor.. i lost the pregnancy and almost bleed to death but my mom’s friend took me to the hospital.. i tried to run back to my ex bf/fiancé but met my hub instead and got married … but i would always imagine my non existent kid growing up and it took me 3 three years to get over my ex even tho i was only with him a few months..