What a Whirlwind Week

Last Saturday, as I visited my dad in his nursing home, he seemed even more weak than usual. That whole week prior he could BARELY lift a cup to drink, and was beginning to almost whisper to talk. He would say I'm ok, I'm fine etc. But that day, he was SO listless. I decided to call 911.

I got heart palpitations doing it because I feared the nurses would chastise me for not going to them first. But, we had seen them dismiss his symptoms all week. *Oh he's tired, oh it's the medication. * Well I'm glad I called myself. He's been in the hospital five days now, in the ICU. He had a lung infection and enlarged stomach lymph nodes. He finally today made it out of ICU. But he's still weak and a nurse called saying he's slurring his words. They're going to try for MRI next.

I'm just so sad because I would have visited more often in his nursing home. But frankly he would lash out at me for little things and it made me also sad remembering how he watched me suffer under AWFUl abuse from my mom, and defended HER years ago. For many years. It truly made me feel very removed from him. But I'm trying to put it all aside because he's really not doing great. I'm just glad I called 911 last week. Will head in tomorrow, hoping for good news. Any positive thoughts welcome 🌺

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JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M

So sorry for all your pain, and his.

You did the right thing. You have to keep on top of the medical bureaucracy, and sometimes push for care. I hope they can help him, and if he has to go back to that negligent home, they take care of him properly. Maybe you can find a new place?

When I was in the hospital, they were good, for the most part. Good surgeries (of course I was out!). Pretty good nurses.

Horrible insurance. It took me a week to get approved for a rehab home. The hospital had no rehab, other than short visits about twice a week in my room. No exercise room or equipment. We also walked the hall and tried the stairs (so scary since they were old and for escaping fires, not for handicapped).

Before I left I asked, "What about the metal sutures in my neck?" They said, "They should have been removed by now. We will tell somebody."

Jeebus! WTF?

Somebody came (not a doc) and removed them with no anesthesia. But it did not hurt that much, and the wounds had closed over by then.

Had I not said anything, I would have gone to rehab, or gone home, with metal sticking out of my neck!

The other sutures were some sort of plastic-like material (yet maybe biodegradable?) which fell out, or else I picked them out with my finger before I went home (the skin was healed).

I felt around and did not feel any metal. But I always wonder if there are tiny pieces of the "plastic" sutures in my flesh. Yet maybe they got absorbed.

Yesterday, I felt a boil on my neck. That freaked me out since that is how it started in 2023!

I did not pick it this time, and left it alone. It seems to be subsiding. The skin is red on it, but OK nearby. In 2023 my boils were purple and scabby and oozed pus. No pus now. Yet I am keeping an eye on it.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@JoyfulSilence We are DEFINITELY pushing hard to find a new place, yes. I'm glad I called too. Not only did he have a lung infection but they are doing a lymph node biopsy on Monday to see if the enlarged lymph nodes they found are cancer😟 And the doctor said unfortunately it's most probable. They don't ever examine him at nursing home and they dismiss any concerns he has. It's truly mind boggling.
Right, with your staples, you could have gone home and no one follow up on it. That's exactly what my sister deals with with doctors / facilities, and now my dad. Like today I pointed out my dad's foot had severe edema, and didn't before. (Puffy , fluid filled skin,) No one said anything or why he had it, or a clear response on treating it😑 it's really frustrating.

JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M

@Coralmist

Gosh, I hope it is not cancer!

I hope it all works out as best as it could and people do the best they can.

My care was good, for the most part. I even took the prospect of dying in stride. I just sort of resigned myself to whatever happened. I was just a sack of meat that they were trying to keep from being eaten alive.

The hospital was the place to be. At first I went to a nearby place, then they said after a day a better place was the main big university hospital downtown. The same place that is always on the news as the place they take all the gunshot victims ("Shock Trauma"). I heard a lot of helicopters! The city has a lot of murders. But apparently good doctors! I was "shot" by bacteria and they saved my life.

My neck boil is subsiding. My immune system is winning! Yay!

Best of luck! 🍀

smiler2012 · 61-69

@Coralmist do not blame yourself you visit when you can no doubt . really the nursing home are at fault for this as i said last time over worked and understaffed . it does not give you any confidence in putting relatives or parents in these sort of places . any way let us hope you dad now with the right treatment makes a swift recovery

Gusman · 61-69, M

I truly hope he now gets the help required.
Any negativity from the staff at the nursing home?
Seems like he could have deteriorated to an unrecoverable position if you had not intervened.
A very sad situation indeed.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Gusman His roommate was really alarmed too, that the staff that night was still dismissing his condition. I've not been back since.

Gusman · 61-69, M

@Coralmist Your father will be going back to the same nursing home once he is well enough?
There obviously are no other options.
What a parlous situation to be in. 🙁

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Gusman My moms pushing hard to switch him. But idk if they will.

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

You did the right thing. F the nurses. They work for you, not the other way around.

It was more than 30 years ago when my dad, watching his mother dying in the hospital, grabbed one of the doctors there and demanded "Who would you get for YOUR mother??" And there it was. New doctor came in, changed her meds, and she made it a few more years.

Thinkerbell · 41-45, F

You did the good and right thing by not letting old hurts get in the way.

You won't regret it. 🫂

AngelUnforgiven · 51-55, F

Always go with your gut screw those nurses. I hope that he gains his strength back. Don't be so hard on yourself you are doing the best you can. It isn't easy

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