______a horse trod on my foot".That was an actual excuse given to me by one of my staff many years ago - such an absurd-sounding excuse that I had little reason to doubt it.It was indeed true - and the victim of this encounter was able to limp into work the following day.

They're repaving the street in front of my house and I can't get out the driveway. I actually used this...

I tripped over a bell pepper and hit my head on a skillet. I'm in a lot of pain. I'm headed to the ER now is it swollen?

I died

I am washing my hair.

I'm tired of doing everybody else's work just to get my personal items vandalized and my dignity stomped on.

I am no longer,and never have been interested in working for others benefits,with very little benefitting me.

I am in mourning as Man Utd lost another game

My dog is wrapped up in my blanket giving me some snuggles.

I’m not feeling well.

I really there its just that you can't see me.

I'm bathing @Tumbleweed's cat.

...because I have decided, this week, to identify as a socialist...and in my opinion I am OWED a paycheck...and I should NOT have to degrade myself by working as slave labor for white racist colonizers.

In TWO weeks, my elf suit will arrive...and then I will expect my paycheck to be WRAPPED in politically correct gift wrap.

My bed gets lonely 🥲

I don't work there. 😁

I am going to my job.

I overdid fings last night, so I aint comin' in (used by my cockney colleague).

My arm is in a cast. 🎣

I don't want to!

I’m in Scotland hunting haggis.

I'm hungover.

'My dog ate your homework'.

Im on strike 😅

the cat puked on the carpet and Stanley steamer won't be here until noon

I'm lazy and want everything given to me.

"Because my give a fuq broke and replacement parts wont be in till next week"

The bus costs more than you pay me

...i thick. By nobe ith thtuffy ab my head hurtth.

Because I hate the job, you're all w⚓s and the money is a joke.

At least that's what everyone who throws a sickie is thinking 😁

@Nimbus 🤔i am a lazy workshy scousers who is going shoplifting lol 😄

I have anal glaucoma. I can’t see my ass coming in.

i can't stop farting.

i quit😀