Estranged relatives.

Ive been estranged from a sister since maybe 2020ish after a big falling out. We used to be close when our parents were alive but after they died it exacerbated some already existing problems and we haven’t spoken in about 3 years. We had some friends in common and now when they ask how my sister is doing or what she is up to, I never know how to answer. I don’t really wanna air out dirty laundry or invite discussion about it. I also don’t wanna embarrass them for asking - Even extended family doesn't know anything about it and I don’t really wanna tell them either.

Whats a clever way to navigate to this awkward situation?

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Miklee02 · 51-55, F

Me and my sister too fell apart after my mom died…. Not my doing… somehow I wasn’t being a supportive sister and she expected more from me….. I read our texts quite often and only seen support for her …. We stopped talking for about a year and a half…. She lives in England and I am in the states…. So distance does not help either.
BUT last weekend she messaged me, out of the blue with some wonderful news, her and her husband are expecting their first child! We FaceTimed and it feels like all that bad in the last year and a half just disappeared and I’m going to be an Auntie 🩷🩵🩷🩵
We will hopefully nurture our relationship back to health and I’m praying she moves back to the states so I can see her and her family more often.
I hope things work out for you and your sister 🙏😌

Adrift · 61-69, F

@Miklee02 I hope things work out for you too.
Sometimes distance is the best way to maintain a good relationship.
I have reconnected with my sister a couple of times.
That experience is usually enough to remind me why I detached myself in the first place.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@Miklee02 wow that’s great news! Congratulations! I hope you and your sister will work things out. Seems like a great chance for change.

KarenisKenziesmum · 51-55, F

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm the eldest of four sisters and we are all totally loyal to each other for life. We will never fall out over anything. I would like all sisters to be like us.

I don't want to ask you what it's all about so I don't know how to advise you, sorry.

Kuronekko · 41-45, FNew

Strange parallels to my own story. My dad died in 2020 and my sister got a new partner and stopped speaking to me. I tried for a long time to see her but she can't seem to do anything without her bf. She is only just starting to want to see me again now that her relationship isn't so new and exciting anymore. What made it more awkward is that shes dating an ex of mine from 20 years ago 🫤

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@Kuronekko weird that she stopped speaking to you. But at least if anyone were to ask you could honestly say you just haven’t heard from her and you could say maybe she’s busy.

bijouxbroussard · F

My youngest sister was on the outs with me and our other two siblings because of something she did (ironically, it was our mother’s last illness that encouraged us to come back together).But other relatives who live out of state would ask about her. My pat answer was:

"We’ve all gotten pretty busy and don’t see each other as often as we probably should. But next time we speak, I’ll tell her you said ‘hello’."

daddybloke · 46-50, M

i had the same with my brothers and my sister i never spoke to my eldest brother for 8 years i just told everyone we don't talk and left it at that ?

Adrift · 61-69, F

I just casually say,
I dont know, I a haven't heard anything lately.
If they press further I just say everyone has been busy.
Then I just change the subject to something leading to more work related.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@Adrift I have said that but sometimes they are shocked. And I’m never sure why they are shocked either. Shes my sibling, I’m not married to her.

My aunt was palliative a couple years back and wanted to know why I didn’t come with my sister to visit her together. Immediately she asked “you’re not mad at each other are you?” Even if we weren’t estranged, we do live independent lives…(I did inform her of my aunt’s condition. She did not respond and did not pay a visit)

Adrift · 61-69, F

@DoubleRings Yeah those oppressed resentments do tend to surface up later after the relative your protecting passes away.
My sister and I have a similar relationship.
If they really press on and want to hear the truth, I would just let them have it.
"Since my aunts death, we have both gone our separate ways."
You and your sisters relationship is really nobody elses business.

Quimliqer · 70-79, M

Be honest

smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F

Just tell them u don't know

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@smileylovesgaming I have and they find that shocking and it invites more questions.

smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F

@DoubleRings family's are kind of like that at time's.

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