All of the self help material and psychology that I'm reading

Just because you have resolved your issues doesn't mean he's resolved his... You lead your life to be happy and productive.... He's responsible for his actions

Sounds painful. I don’t know the back story for you, but as a father, that just sounds like a cruel way to act towards your daughter.

I personally think that when one makes that effort to read on self-improvement to search for meaning and to find help to solve personal problems and in doing so, comes to terms with their flaws/imperfections, discover their strength, and come out learning to love themselves is definitely a triumph. While it is not a guarantee that it will heal your relationship with others, at least it will put you in a better place in terms of being the bigger person to have approached and tried to save your relationship. That is when you know you have healed, you took the bull by its horns and bravely made the effort. You know right from wrong.

One cannot choose one's parents nor change their flaws. He will have to confront his own demons to save himself and his relationship with you. Just remember that you have complied, tried, and made the move toward reconciliation. He, at this point, rejects it but it's fine, what he is and what he does, does not define who you are nor do you need his approval or love to live the good life that you deserve. I hope he changes and realizes that he has a daughter that loves him no matter what and I also hope you can move on and be truly happy. Good luck😊

The psychology books might be just assuming that the problems are only at reader's end. But for a relationship we need co-operation from both sides. Maybe you need to communicate in the frequency he is willing to hear, then when the things get better and under your control, you can try modifying slowly the frequencies to make it comfortable for you both.

It doesn’t matter what you do or how much you change sometimes it will never change the fact that someone is toxic.

Sometimes in life it’s in our best interest to distance ourselves from certain people even if we love them and they are family

At least you can separate yourself from his emotions in the moment instead of mirroring him and acting out like him in response. That's achievement. It took me a good few years to learn that myself.

😶 That’s definitely not the position of mental health counselors/ family counselors. Actually makes me a little concerned/leery about the rest of whatever the materials are saying because it’s pretty harmful.. in a number of serious Ways.. to tell readers if they work on themselves it will fix/change other people (healing relationships is a two-sided street).


You handled the situation really well though externally and internally. 💜 That’s where you’ll see your progress. Your dad will still be who/how he is regardless of your inner work. If the relationship improves at all, it’s because your inner work has given you the skills/tools to be less affected/dragged into it, which means that interactions will often be less explosive than they used to be.

Tbh, it wasn't that long ago that the younger generations feared the older ones. Parents didn't love their kids, they tolerated them. They have their own lives, and I imagine many parents are blindsided by this new generation that actually wants to know their family as friends.

I've forgiven my parents, even if we'll never talk again. I've gotten to the point where I don't hate them anymore, and that's good enough for me. I'd hate being subjugated, and in turn, would not expect others to subjugate themselves to me.

Have you tried karate chopping them into submission? 😅

It's important to learn how to swim, as in case you find yourself in water unexpectedly, relying on fragile objects like grass or stones for support won't be effective due to their limited strength. In this situation the fragile object is your father.

No matter how much I worked on improving myself, it never helped my relationship with my parents. We just got further and further apart. The trouble is, you can't change other people; you can only change yourself (if that).

Keep trying, have patience. I had a very difficult father, just don’t give up.

I think the idea is that you heal. They don't necessarily heal or change.

I don’t believe that. I’m cautious with self help books.

In my case, my parents were dead before I was able to heal. They couldn’t heal, but I can, regardless of the positive and negative influence.

You can regard your parents for their part in your life, but you learn better when you think for yourself and do what you love, for you alone.

As others have said too, they aren’t your responsibility.

Hey you're a martial artist?

I think it's a lot more complex than that . Things aren't magically better .

Heh.. I don't think my dad's ever shouted at me. Sorry about that

what did he say?

https://www.amazon.com/Shotokan-Masters-Their-Own-Words/dp/1933901152