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Passive aggressively uninvited to Thanksgiving.. sad. Anyone else not have family to celebrate the holidays with?

Well.. today my dad called me to make sure I wasn’t planning to come to Thanksgiving. I’m estranged from my mom, she has a mental illness. So lately I’ve been leaning on my Dad for emotional support. The truth is though he’s been married three times and his newest wife his a big to do for thanksgiving. I was really excited to go and bring our kids and stuff but today.. on Halloween right before we went trick or treating he called me and passive aggressively was like, “hey what are y’all doing for Thanksgiving!” I was like oh, just planning to go to my husbands in the early afternoon ..thinking he might say “oh good! Amy is having lunch/dinner at this time” instead it was “well good I’m glad you guys have plans.. I was going to invite you but it sounds like you’re busy.. of course if you don’t have somewhere to go feel free, but I figured you’d rather spend thanksgiving with yours husbands family” very passively I feel like saying don’t make plans to come here.. but instead of being honest like we don’t have a lot of room or we are worried about getting sick from the kids or something it was that.. it made me so sad. I wish he could’ve done that a different night like it ruined our Halloween. And now I’ve spent all night like just sad.. and not able to enjoy the night because I’m too busy realising how I don’t have parents who want to spend the holidays with me or my family. I definitely plan to start a new tradition but I’m just like wow.. anyone else relate?
Brassm0nk3y
36-40, F
23 replies 158 views Oct 31, 2022
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Edited: 2 yrs ago
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icedsky · 51-55, M Best Comment
Your officially invited to my Moms house for Thanksgiving. Always plenty of food. Always a diverse crowd. Nothing but a good time and great food.
+ 7 · Reply · Translate · Oct 31, 2022
icedsky · 51-55, M
@Wiseacre Your Invited too.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 31, 2022
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
@icedsky lol that is really heartwarming thank you!
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022
icedsky · 51-55, M
@Brassm0nk3y Good morning. Thank you for Best comment
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022
PatKirby · M
This is what you do.

Send them a warm card for Thanksgiving from your family to theirs. Then be patient. The next communication from them will tell you all you need to know.

Take the high road. Good luck.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Oct 31, 2022 · Edited: 2 yrs ago
nedkelly · 61-69, M
@PatKirby and here we have Dear Abbey on line help
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Oct 31, 2022
PatKirby · M
@nedkelly

Dear Abbey, how can I make a better recipe for Christmas haggis?
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022
Penny · 46-50, F
from what it sounds like your dad is the one being rejected here, not you. its like you expect the worst or something making it a self fulfilling prophecy. he said he was going to invite you, not dont come. maybe he thought you were telling him your plans were set to go to your husband's family already and didnt want to impose

eta- i just see a lot of assumptions on your part that may not be true
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022 · Edited: 2 yrs ago
Penny · 46-50, F
@Brassm0nk3y well, what i see is that you feel hurt and unwanted by your father but that just doesnt ring the truth to me. entertaining is a lot of work and unless your dad is the chef around the house expecting his new wife to entertain you and your whole family is a lot to ask so I could understand if he wanst too keen on having you and your family over for Thanksgiving. divorce sucks but don tlet it make you think your dad doesnt love you. he did say he was going to invite you if you didnt have other plans. can you blame him for being relieved you already had plans if thats the case here? if he already invited you a long itme ago then id say its your own fault for not being more direct with him in the first place. when he asked again you should said that you thought you were coming over not wait for him to invite you again. holidays can be a real hassle with expectations. try not to feel bad and just enjoy your time with your husbands family without having ot feel obligated to go to your dad's too. maybe you could invite him over for christmas if you want to spend time with him. even if he wouldnt want to come over that would open a door for him to invite you over to his place.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
@Penny A lot of assumptions here. This comment I feel like is really invalidating. I know exactly what happened during the conversation with my dad and I have every reason to be disappointed by it. To say I should think of it another way I mean that’s super invalidating to my feelings. I’m trying to process them, which I believe is healthy! Acknowledging the pain I think will also help me to expect less of them in the future and work to protect myself and my family. I’m sorry you see this in such a different light. Interesting perspective by not where I was going here! They are already having an event I’m not expecting them to cater to us wth
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022 · Edited: 2 yrs ago
Penny · 46-50, F
@Brassm0nk3y well, you said the first thing you did was tell him you had plans with your husbands family which you later said you didnt. what put me off about your post is that it reeks of entitlement. and like youre just looking for sympathy that your dad doesnt want or love you when you have no proof of that. it seems like a big error in poor communication to me with your conversation with your dad. if he really did invite you then back out i am sorry but at the same time, you made it really easy for him by not being direct with your expectations. it sounds like you may have learned that from your dad, not being direct with each other. i am sorry you have to deal with this kind of bullshit. i am divorced and i have struggled with mental illness and have kids myself. i know its hard and lots of hurt feelings can get involved. i just wanted you to take away that it doesnt mean your dad doesnt want or love you.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022 · Edited: 2 yrs ago
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
Your family that you made can be different.
A peaceful Thanksgiving in your own home is better than strife with your mom and your kids having to witness it.
It's sad, but they are the ones missing out.
I have a bit of a troubling relationship,at times, with my son, but he's my granddaughters father, so I choose to put all aside for Holidays.
I'm sorry they can't, but if you have a good relationship with your in-laws, go, have goodtime and in the evening plan something with you and your kids/husband.
Don't let them spoil those precious times for you.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022 · Edited: 2 yrs ago
BrokenAbyss
My son and I are always alone for the holidays. We usually travel to get out and enjoy, but there’s always sadness on the day of. Seems unavoidable.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022
InHeaven · F
Me. And don’t care. The “family” I have, I am perfectly fine and great not having to celebrate anything with them. Phew
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022
SW-User
The family is getting smaller for holidays.
One daughter was supposed to be coming home and now isn't... she's staying in a different state.
A different daughter has said she doesn't feel like coming when all the family is there... lol Sounded like an uninvite of a kind. lmao!!
Other children have families of their own... spouses and in laws, so don't always come home for the meal now.

Make the most of family you have. Count the blessings they are and try not to dwell too much on what you don't have. I'll be doing the same.
+ 4 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
@SW-User this is really really helpful advice. Really made a difference for me thank you!
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022
SW-User
@Brassm0nk3y You're welcome. :)
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022
DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F
I haven't spent holidays with my family since I was a teenager. None of us are close because so many of them are toxic. It does hurt but honestly I got used to it.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Nov 1, 2022
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