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It was a joke but..

Today at work, something happened that’s been sitting with me. I was showing a colleague some old photos of someone we both knew, and a picture of me from about 10 years ago came up. He joked, “Wow, you’ve let yourself go,” and then immediately apologised, saying he didn’t mean it that way. He’s known for being light-hearted and making jokes, and at the time I didn’t take it seriously.

But when I got home, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The comment hit a nerve because it echoed thoughts I’ve had about myself for a long time. Even though I know he didn’t mean any harm, it knocked my confidence.

I understand that no one can control another person’s triggers, but I wish that when it comes to appearances, changes, or personal struggles, people would be extra careful with what they say. You never know how deeply it might affect someone, even if it’s meant as a joke.
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Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
It was good that he apologized, though, many don't and when you tell them something like that remark kind of hurt me they get mad at you.
However ,you are correct we should be careful with our words.
RSquared · 61-69, M
Nobody “lets themself go” from transforming from a young teen to a young woman. Our bodies change. Those same bodies will change again and again as time passes. While physical appearance can lead to an attraction, it is not a measure of a person’s worth. Measure by the heart. How people feel and act, not look. My recommendation? Don’t give this person’s thoughts or opinions any value. Belief of what is inside you is what matters.
dancingtongue · 80-89, M
Your point is a good one. Otoh, the positives from this exchange, imho, is that (1) you recognize it was part of his normal light-hearted, joking character; (2) he immediately recognized it was not being taken in a light-hearted way and apologized; and, (3) although it triggered existing insecure feelings you had, you recognized that was the bigger issue. Even the best of comedians can misread the audience and the moment.
Ferise1 · 46-50, M
I ran into something funny a couple months ago. Another Dave, about twenty five years younger than me, started there. We would be working beside each other every day and if they asked for David/Dave we'd both respond. So they jokingly started calling him Junior, I knew would lead to me being called senior. It made me laugh personally.

People can joke funny sometimes not knowing they have insulted you, and maybe they should know. At first I was sensitive knowing this would come, 'senior" but it's from a young woman mostly who jokes this way and I just say 'senhorita' back.
Fallflower · 46-50, F
How rude and unkind.
I've learned never to comment on anyone's body, ever, no matter what, even if they're talking about it, at work. It's just not worth it.
JimboSaturn · 56-60, M
It's not wise to ever comment on someone's appearance. Just don't, it will end up hurting feelings.
Those comments often come from what's been fed into us rather than what we actually observe. I bet you he said that because someone said it to him, not because it needed to be said to you.
robbie2499 · 61-69, F
Some people simply don't have filters. They the first thing that comes to mind without thinking about the other person.
JimboSaturn · 56-60, M
You never joke about someones looks.
RedBaron · M
But you learned that photos don’t hide the truth about one’s appearance.
Hairlover · 41-45, F
Not being rude but maybe you should take a look at yourself in the mirror. It could be as simple as getting a new sexy haircut and wearing different clothes
Gumbodidlo · 56-60, C
Please remember the only opinion of you that matters is yours ❤
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Ferise1 · 46-50, M
I have a couple of friends who say stuff like that all the time. Some people have no filter, they may even be autistic.

 
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