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foldedunfolding It was either 7 or 8 for me back then.. things are kind of blurry.. For obvious reasons..
I wasn't seen as strong.. But I think she was in fear and was reaching out to anyone she thought she could trust.. It was 4 kids that had been summoned as winners.. and we were all from the same class...
I think any child who had been through that before and truly knew what to expect, and feared it ever happening again would cling to anything.. even another child beside them.. In hopes of a savior... And no one got saved from the situation other than me for some reason... I remember when we all sat down to eat the pizza.. And the vice principal started asking some kind of question and everyone was answering.. And whatever answer I gave.. Caused the teacher to scowl.. And he summoned.. two like teacher aids type of people to escort me away.. And she clung to me and begged me not to go.. As if I could be a witness.. And I remember I only took like a bite or 2 out of the pizza and I was like.. in protest of being forced to leave.. like "But I didn't even get to eat my pizza yet? Why do they get to eat?" And I can't remember the excuse/retort he gave back.. And then the two "Guards" basically started dragging me away from her.. And she was clinging with all her might.. still whispering to me not to go and leave her with him.. And all I said was.. "But I have to go.." Because of course back then you think you have to obey everything an adult says.. Because I don't think people suspected teachers or police or doctors or anyone with a supposed Honorable profession as being bad.. As if there were a true higher criteria that must be met to earn the position.. When there's really not..
As for the question he asked.. It's still blurry to me but I think it was a religious one.. I think every other kid answered they were Mormon.. And of course If this is the case I would have answered that I was Christian.. which made him scowl.. I suspect that, this is how he covered his tracks somehow.. some kind of coverup that had to do with the Mormon church.. But I can't think of how that would work.. Or how even if you're a Mormon why you wouldn't believe the words of your child.. It's the only thing I can think of that I would have answered differently over.. And the memory is so vague I feel for certain that's what it was.. But I can't hear the question.. It's only an innate knowledge of the playback in my head.. so it's where you feel certain but you lack the evidence in your memory I suppose..
What hurt the most was when I saw her the next day at school. And somewhere outside the school building.. I'm not sure if it was recess or what.. But she cornered me and said "You left me.." and then I fumbled all over my words saying how they forced me to leave.. and then she said "It's alright.. I'm used to it happening.." It breaks my heart when I look back on it now.. Back then I had no idea what a pedophile was obviously.. I was just a kid.. I had no idea what happened to her.. I couldn't even fathom it.. I only knew it was something bad that deeply affected her because I could see it on her face and how she carried herself.. And I just always felt like it was my fault and guilty that I left her.. Even though I was just a child myself with no idea what was going on..
Idk I will always have a bias and prejudice and untrustworthiness because of all I've been through, towards teachers.. It makes me question why anyone even wants to become one.. Because I haven't seen too many good ones growing up..
Anyways that's the extent of my "Grooming" experiences.. The fact that I have seen all these things idk.. makes me hate all this shit i see going on school these days as well..
