As a kid (up to maybe age 12) I'd piss my pants at a good joke way too frequently :(

Late for my movie, I couldn't finish the extra large coffee in front of me.

The drainboard normally available to pour out a cup, was missing.

This was Starbucks, I was a regular.

To my left, was a clerk cleaning the inside of the condiment & rubbish kiosk.
Cabinet doors... open.

Outside nearby, sat a square garbage pail she tossed rags into...not the round recepticle, I assumed was still attached to the kiosk hole.

I took a gulp, then launched the 7 inch cup ...3/4s full..toward the rubbish kiosk.

Like a cruise missile, it plummeted toward the hole.
I had an unsettling feeling I couldn't explain.

The cup disappeared through the hole.... followed by a mighty splash.
Then a light bulb came on: This was square pail day...not circular.

This was followed by a tidal wave of black coffee from the open cabinet she knelt beside.

Mortified, I insisted I clean & mop it for her. But she was exceedingly kind.

Really, she just preferred I got lost.

Suffice to say it was a good 6 months before I was a regular again 🫣.

Professor ..

I really think you are holding back on us ..

I am generally soft spoken person . I mean i mumble because I am not necessarily a confident public speaker . I had to do a university presentation in a an auditorium sized classroom ...and as I presented my paper and lulled the classroom to sleep . One dude in the back clamourd 'speak up , nobody can hear you '.. Not that he cared to hear . He was just being ubnoxious . I looked up from my pages , up at the room , seeing stark gazes , then , lowered my head and continued to mumble the remaining pages . With a dry mouth , and pummeled character ,..after presenting . I just left , I couldn't deal with the embarrassment of being there ..

I tried to open a car door that wasn't mine.. i had been walking for miles and my slipper had fell apart and i was walking barefoot on the highway and there were critters coming to the edge of the road out of the swamp and i just wanted a break .. there was an abandoned car on the roadside just an old car .. normally i don't touch other people's stuff or their cars but i just wanted to sit down and not be bit by a swamp creature or whatever anyway these people in a pick up truck stopped and gave me a ride and asked if that was my car and i said no and they all looked at me like 😒

I was in college and a member of the Young Republicans Club. I had some modest experience as a bartender so I was volunteered to bartend at the home of someone who was raising money for the Attorney General of Virginia. He arrived to the party and a few minutes later our local congressman showed up, who happened to be Chairman of the Armed Services Committee.

He was also a staunch Catholic and only drank white wine. One of his handlers came by and asked me to pour a glass of wine for him. I grabbed the bottle, looked at it closer, and realized it was one of those fancy bottles of wine that had a cork, not the twist off metal kind. I tried to open it with a corkscrew, the cork went the wrong way, and went into the bottle.

I could not pour the wine because the cork stopped up the wine's flow. So I did what anyone else would do....I stuck my finger in the wine bottle, pushed the cork back and poured it slowly. Then, I stuck my finger in his wine glass to pick out the smaller pieces of cork.

Someone saw me, told me he would take care of it, opened another bottle, and poured the distinguished gentleman another glass of wine, free of fingers and cork residue.

But I survived. And so did the guests.

Many years ago when I was stationed in West Berlin, before Germany reunited. I was sitting in a McDonald's. It was the first McD that had opened in Berlin and the novelty was still fresh. I made the journey across town to get well deserved Big Mac. Germany is different, you pay for the ketchup packages and they sell beer.

I got my combo and sat down. A group of teens were sitting next to me. I picked up the ketchup and flipped it back and forth to get it to the bottom before I opened it.This particular package of ketchup was not up to McD standards and after I flipped it a few times, the plastic broke off the top and the ketchup went flying thru the air to the next table. It landed on the teens and ketchup went everywhere.

I apologized profusely in my best German and they started laughing.

I don't know if they were laughing at my German or the incident but it was all good.

ft ended well, much better than it could have been.

Well i have had quite a lot of things happen to me. Luckily I don't embarass easily.

But once I worked at a restaurant where I was a server. I remember it was the first day of hunting season and early in the morning and we were swamped with hunters. There was a piece of thread hanging from the hem of the black skirt that I was wearing. I thought I pulled it off but when i did it unraveled the entire length of the back of my skirt. So needless to say I gave a free show of my pink panties to approximately 50 -75 men that morning.

In my junior year of high school I had gotten in with some of the "cool" kids, Girls with big hair and pointy flat shoes.... I had gotten myself a pair of those pointy flat shoes (they were white). When you saw everybody you kind of rushed over and slid towards them with your new Shoes..... Well I kept continuing to slide past them Right into the hallway steps and fell on my ass in front of everyone coming into the building.
Or that time that my boyfriend and I were out on 4th of July and because my hair was so big and full of hairspray I backed into a wall and fell in a sewer great and got my leg stuck.......... That 1 made it into the local newspaper were firemen involved.

We had to carry walkie talkies at work and the unprofessional women-folk would announce to the world anything they thought you did or didn't do they figured was wrong in some way...but they only ever did it to me. They were pleasant and nice to each other.

My neighbors fed me a voodoo chicken and I feel sick!