Another night without the boys
I have to admit after my doctor's appointment I was in a mood. I was very upset with myself and my head was spinning with all this anxiety and anger.
I really don't even remember what I was doing but I hear Joel say his x is going to keep the boys another night.
I was kinda surprised. I'm sure our youngest is wearing her out by now. My tiny tornado.
He walks into the room and says come on let's go
Where are we going?
The cigar lounge
By Star isn't here we can't leave Sissy
Grandma is here let's go.
I don't argue and I follow him out
We Uber to the lounge. We get a cigar and whiskey and have a set.
My mind is all over the place I actually think he's going to leave me. I wouldn't blame him. I'm a never ending mess.
So what ever you are thinking stop it.
I'm sorry
You have no reason to be sorry. When I had my panic attack the other night did you get mad at me
No, it wasn't your fault
When Sissy had her bad night, did you get mad at her
No it wasn't her fault
When bubby is full of energy and is having a hard time calming down do you get mad at him.
No it's not his fault.
So this is not your fault either. Don't get mad at yourself for something you can't help.
I am sorry
No, don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault.
No one should ever have had to go through what you did—especially not alone.
No one’s taken the time to truly help you heal.
Until now.
You’ve spent so long putting everyone else first. But now it’s your turn to be first. Let me be the one to show up for you.
I’m not going anywhere—so you might as well let me help.
We have a long talk. About what he's going to do to help me. And how I am going to let him. He knows this month was been a lot. So much stress, our vacation, him getting hurt, everything going on with Sissy, buying a house. We're taking another day off work. A day to chill, and focus on what we need to do.
I even rescheduled our appointments we had to Thursday so we'll have nothing planned.
I don't know what to think, why he's still here with me. I don't deserve him at all. But he thinks I do so who am I to argue with him.
I really don't even remember what I was doing but I hear Joel say his x is going to keep the boys another night.
I was kinda surprised. I'm sure our youngest is wearing her out by now. My tiny tornado.
He walks into the room and says come on let's go
Where are we going?
The cigar lounge
By Star isn't here we can't leave Sissy
Grandma is here let's go.
I don't argue and I follow him out
We Uber to the lounge. We get a cigar and whiskey and have a set.
My mind is all over the place I actually think he's going to leave me. I wouldn't blame him. I'm a never ending mess.
So what ever you are thinking stop it.
I'm sorry
You have no reason to be sorry. When I had my panic attack the other night did you get mad at me
No, it wasn't your fault
When Sissy had her bad night, did you get mad at her
No it wasn't her fault
When bubby is full of energy and is having a hard time calming down do you get mad at him.
No it's not his fault.
So this is not your fault either. Don't get mad at yourself for something you can't help.
I am sorry
No, don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault.
No one should ever have had to go through what you did—especially not alone.
No one’s taken the time to truly help you heal.
Until now.
You’ve spent so long putting everyone else first. But now it’s your turn to be first. Let me be the one to show up for you.
I’m not going anywhere—so you might as well let me help.
We have a long talk. About what he's going to do to help me. And how I am going to let him. He knows this month was been a lot. So much stress, our vacation, him getting hurt, everything going on with Sissy, buying a house. We're taking another day off work. A day to chill, and focus on what we need to do.
I even rescheduled our appointments we had to Thursday so we'll have nothing planned.
I don't know what to think, why he's still here with me. I don't deserve him at all. But he thinks I do so who am I to argue with him.
41-45, M
