There is one thing I hate

Thats guilt. Sometimes I wish I didn't believe because then I could avoid that feeling.. The feeling of having to be perfect. To not do anything that is considered sinful. In fact it has got to the point wherein I've had enough of it. Where I just want to do what I want to do.

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4meAndyou · F

I struggle with this quite a bit, so I know just how awful it feels. Personally, I feel that some people are telling me that my blameless life is just NOT good enough...and that I need to do MORE, or do things differently...and I absolutely know that nothing I do will be good enough...because there are some people who just can't forgive me for being ME. I can't fit myself into a certain mold.

I know that I will hate selling myself out to conformist people who will always disapprove. I will hate seeing their little prune faces, and barely concealed sneers. There are always WONDERFUL people, too, who are kind and full of forgiveness for whatever I do, or however I choose to live...but just SEEING those others again...it's just hard.

What is also hard is knowing that I really haven't forgiven those who were unkind...because if I see them again, they will continue doing MORE unkind things.

So I make up excuses. I avoid. But I can't hide from myself.

WillaKissing · 56-60, M

@4meAndyou I feel your angst and what I did was to cut those disapproving people out of my life, kept my cross dressing a secret only to myself in my real life, moved to a rural farm once retired a two-hour drive from anyone who knows me, and learned to love myself for the person God had made me to be.

May you find that peace too.

RubiesandButterflies · 51-55, F

@4meAndyou thanks for sharing.

WillaKissing · 56-60, M

@RubiesandButterflies Thank you, and you are quite welcome.

4meAndyou · F

@WillaKissing @RubiesandButterflies Thank you both. Willakissing...I am already a hermit in a very minor way. I do go out once a week to help my neighbors. But I understand your feelings. I FEEL them.

WillaKissing · 56-60, M

@4meAndyou I 💓 our hermitages! And getting out once a week or once every other week to help or visit is what I do too. Much Respect my sweet friend.

4meAndyou · F

@WillaKissing Right back at ya!