An interesting post and I must confess that I have given a lot of thought to this subject myself.
For the most part I share your thoughts on the definition of femininity and my pet peeve these days is that so many women seldom if ever wear a skirt or dress. For me there is always a "tomboy" element about trousers and a skirt or dress always looks so much more elegant and feminine. I recognize that the days when women usually wore skirts (or indeed had to wear them) are gone and will never return but that just makes me more appreciative of women who do regularly wear a skirt or dress because they really stand out in these days of dreary androgyny. So to take an example, my preference will always be to be served by a lady wearing a skirt or dress in a restaurant and while I would never be uncivil to another waitress wearing trousers, I will not tip her anything like as generously than her female colleague wearing a skirt or dress. Likewise, I could never see myself dating a woman who always wears trousers or jeans because I just find it so unladylike and unattractive and that would immediately indicate to me that we are incompatible.
I recognize that a lot of women will brand me a superficial sexist for thinking that way, but my view is that just as women have a choice about wearing skirts or trousers, men have a choice when it comes to how you like a lady to dress and the extent to which you choose to engage on a social level with a woman who dresses in a way that you really dislike.
An interesting post! I am very feminine, I definitely work to make myself as feminine as possible as I know my husband is specifically attracted to those qualities. Equally I appreciate traditional masculine qualities of strength, courage, independence, leadership and assertiveness.
Traits like nurturing, supportive, empathy, affection, kind, and understanding are important traits for anyone. I don't regard those as feminine traits. They are traits of good people. Men who lack those traits are not good men, generally speaking.
As for traits in women like challenging men, not wearing earrings, not wearing perfume, not requiring seasonal wardrobes, wearing little to no make up - I find those to be desired traits in a woman. I don't find earrings and perfumes unattractive but I find the confidence and willingness to go without to be very appealing.
But I've always kind of had an attraction to what a lot of people consider to be tomboys.
I have many of those traits, yet I don’t think I’m particularly ‘feminine’ in my style of dress or mannerisms.
I get dirty, I ride quads, I play in the mud, I work a dirty job, I am most comfortable in jeans and boots as opposed to skirts and dresses (although I can rock both at any time)…I drink beer and I swear at times….but I am definitely a lady while I’m at it. I have class and can be quite refined. And I seem to command that level of respect (I have been accused of being standoffish, yet I am far from it)
So while I possess most of the feminine traits as defined above, I am not feminine.
In this era, Men and women who have perfect balance of masculine and feminine traits are far more appreciated than any other extremes. Too feminine women might be labelled as weak and too masculine men might be labelled as rude and emotionless.
Over swearing, being happy to challengeing a Man/ Woman , by squaring up to them. Not regularly styling ,brushing , combing, their hair, not wearing earrings , perfume. Or changing their wardrobe seasonally.
Since this does describe me I guess I am not stereotypically female. I do have an issue with stereotypes in general.
Nurturance, sensitivity, supportiveness, being gentle and warm, being helpful and understanding, empathy, being emotional,... all good traits that should just be considered human traits. That these traits are associated with feminity is a serious societal problem we should all work together to fix.
Passivity and modesty are very unhealthy traits in my opinion and have been used as an argument against equal rights for women.
I support and encourage any strength or positivity any individual woman would possess or strive for, but I'm old enough to TOTALLY appreciate "femininity", not deferring to men, but rather in her loveliness we support and encourage each other, i tend to her needs first and she tends to mine in kind?
I´m not tied (or not inconditionally) to dividing stereotypes, not at least some generational / cultural ones. Even so and as a man (an old one) I still appreciate a "something" less easier to define and even harder to cleary express.
Humanity has been mistold about masculine/ feminine aspects after being misconstrued by the past, there by rendering the male/ female concept too as flawed. Unfortunately masculinity became attached to arrogance and haughtiness .. but truly masculinity is the soul & spirit that is in each of us .. and feminity is the body and matter in which the masculinity resides and operates ..
I don't care about women styling, changing wardrobe, wearing jewellery or perfume. What I care about is hygiene, manners and compatible personality. But if we talk about prejudices, I am more likely to approach women who don't wear stylish clothes and tons of makeup because they seem as more likely to be down to earth and fun people.
@CrazyMusicLover I welcome opinions from across the board .. & yours is fab . I don't believe the Wiki list is exhausted as you mentioned good hygiene being important. Which I think should go without saying.
When I mentioned the traits I like I didn't mean for those traits to overly emphasised " ie " tons of makeup" I find unnecessary, never being out of a dress being the same. Etc etc
@ravenwind43 🙂 sounds like a comfortable balance . Before age 16 I used to consider myself a lil bit of a Tom boy , & ever since I can certainly have a laugh and a bit of a joke with male relatives and friends.
Still I embrace my Femininity and enjoy the multitude if options and aspects which come with 🍓
I consider myself feminine but not in the traditional sense due to my life experience. I’m only nurturing and gentle to people who earn it. I’m not passive because passive allows people to abuse you. Modesty is misogynistic nonsense.
