I Am Scared

Something has been bothering me for some time. I want to talk about it, to tell somebody, but I'm afraid. I'm scared of what people will think and say about me. But I can't hold it in no more, I start crying each time I think of it, so I'll just write about it over here.
I'm not a very outgoing person, so I don't have that many friends. But somehow this guy I had a crush on asked me out. I was so excited about it, that I was trying to prove my loyalty to him by being the best girlfriend and support him in everything. But he truned out to be a complete scumbag 😭
It all happened this summer. He is pretty popular and he gets invited to parties all the time, so he's been asking me to come with him for a while now, but I wasn't sure, plus my parents don't really allow me going at night with guys, especially at parties. But that day he was being really insistent and he was telling me that we won't stay long and that he'll take me home personally, and so on... So I gave in and I just went to that party with him. Moreover I was pretty curious about it myself.
To be honest I was a bit uncomfortable there, I didn't really know that many people, everyone was drinking and the guys were acting like complete douchebags.
After some time my bf asked me to go with him upstares, because it's not as loud, he said. We went in this room and we began kissing and touching eachother. Then he got over me and unbuttoned my pants. I pushed him away and told him that he knows that I don't want to do that yet. But he said: c'mon it's no big deal, plus that he already waited enough and pushed me back down and began kissing me again.
I don't want to go too much into detail, because it hurts a lot typing this 😭 but he tried raping me. I managed to bite his hand really hard and he let go of me and I ran out and went home. But I don't know how somebody can do that to another person. We dated for so long. I thought he loved me. I thought he was my second half. 😔