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I Had An Affair

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I had an affair a year ago. I came clean and told my husband. I left my job, broke contact with my friends (who were also friends with the OM), I handed over control of email accounts, bank accounts, closed all social media, phone never locked - transparent about everything. I never go anywhere without him knowing where I am and if he goes away on business I virtually don't leave the house so he can call the home phone and know that I am there. I am allowed no male friends ever again which I'm currently living with. I've tried everything I can to 'fix' my husband's pain and hate myself for what I've put him through. We're finally coming out on the other side and becoming 'normal' again and for the first time I'm allowing myself to worry about how I feel....and I'm so lost. I do love him but I'm not happy. I think about the other guy and wonder if I made a mistake. Nothing in life makes me happy. I feel like I'm just existing.
31-35, F
+ 11 65 replies 188 views Oct 31, 2016 |
If you closed all social media how come you're here?
everythingisvanilla31-35, F
because I have no-one to talk to.
Imherefkrawhile41-45, M
Three words for you

Don't be so judgemental.
everythingisvanilla31-35, F
clearly, but thanks for the helpful comment
PoetryNEmotion56-60, F
I THINK she KNOWS that. Why criticize her when she already realizes her mistake?
newstu56-60, M
hang in there
newstu56-60, M
and move on...without him
DownTheStreet51-55, M
Tough situation; I understand why you reacted the way you did, but you can't pay forever. The key thing is - why did you have an affair? What are the unmet needs? Tough for him to hear those things but necessary
You will have an affair again or divorce him. Trust me! uNless you force it in other way.
firefall61-69, M
It sounds like your husband has been very controlling, and infantilised you in many ways. That must lead to a seriously distorted & unequal partnership.
PoetryNEmotion56-60, F
I can understand her husband's pain, but this, THIS, is unwarranted.
PTCdresser5761-69, M
Give yourself a break. It happened hurt you and your hubby and if you both want to stay married you and he will do what you have to.
GJOFJ361-69, M
You can agree to all the conditions and willingly make all the concessions you want but that will not create love and trust There is no easy answer here I wish you luck.
PoetryNEmotion56-60, F
G, don't you think this way of life is TOO severe? I do...
GJOFJ361-69, M
@PoetryNEmotion: yes and with no good results that I can see
may I ask why you had the affair in the first place?
PICK A FRICKIN LANE vanilla - I'm not saying that to judgmental - I'm saying that like a loving uncle

make a choice

stick with it

and leave the rest of it for your fantasies

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I Had An Affair
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