I Had An Affair

I had an affair a year ago. I came clean and told my husband. I left my job, broke contact with my friends (who were also friends with the OM), I handed over control of email accounts, bank accounts, closed all social media, phone never locked - transparent about everything. I never go anywhere without him knowing where I am and if he goes away on business I virtually don't leave the house so he can call the home phone and know that I am there. I am allowed no male friends ever again which I'm currently living with. I've tried everything I can to 'fix' my husband's pain and hate myself for what I've put him through. We're finally coming out on the other side and becoming 'normal' again and for the first time I'm allowing myself to worry about how I feel....and I'm so lost. I do love him but I'm not happy. I think about the other guy and wonder if I made a mistake. Nothing in life makes me happy. I feel like I'm just existing.

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Ynotisay · M

You're "allowed no male friends every again?"
Sounds like a really healthy relationship. And I'm sure your husband loves having an unhappy wife.
Cheating is fucked up. Can people move past it? Sure. Is it always worth fixing? Of course not.
Life's short. Marriage is a business contract. Not a death sentence.

booboo · M

I'm in the same boat..not allowed to have female friends..and she likes me to be happy, but only on her terms..and yes, for me, it IS a death sentence..JS 😒

PoetryNEmotion · F

I agreed with all of your words except the business contract part. It involves compromise, love, compassion, empathy, hard work, etc. It is a "contract" of the minds and of the hearts.

Ynotisay · M

@PoetryNEmotion: Yeah...I hear you. But it really IS a business contract in the eyes of the law.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@Ynotisay: But I am not the law.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@booboo: That is sooooooooooo wrong! Ohmigod!

Ynotisay · M

@booboo: I don't understand that brother. I really don't. I'm sure you have your reasons but...
And while women will see this comment differently, from one guy to another, if you tell her to knock it the hell off the next time she pulls that nonsense and don't give her a choice in the matter, she'll settle right down. If she throws a tantrum...whatever. YOU run you.

booboo · M

@Ynotisay: at my age, it's not that easy, but thanks for sharing

Ynotisay · M

@booboo: At 'your age?' Sorry man. Again, I don't get that. If anything, I'd think that at 'your age' you'd be chomping at the bit to live your life as you see fit. But I'm sure you've weighed the bad against the good. Life does demand some compromise at times. Good luck.

Flutterby

@booboo: This makes me sad for you booboo :(