I Had An Affair

I had an affair a year ago. I came clean and told my husband. I left my job, broke contact with my friends (who were also friends with the OM), I handed over control of email accounts, bank accounts, closed all social media, phone never locked - transparent about everything. I never go anywhere without him knowing where I am and if he goes away on business I virtually don't leave the house so he can call the home phone and know that I am there. I am allowed no male friends ever again which I'm currently living with. I've tried everything I can to 'fix' my husband's pain and hate myself for what I've put him through. We're finally coming out on the other side and becoming 'normal' again and for the first time I'm allowing myself to worry about how I feel....and I'm so lost. I do love him but I'm not happy. I think about the other guy and wonder if I made a mistake. Nothing in life makes me happy. I feel like I'm just existing.

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Flutterby

People don't have an affair just because.
Coming clean and living out the consequences, doesn't address the root cause of the affair.
Whatever that was.. is still there, if it hasn't been addressed.

While living under the microscope, has your husband asked or addressed why you had the affair in the first place? Is he willing to delve into that and try to fix it, or just punish you for your transgression?

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Flutterby

@tolerantmongoose: She can be as transparent as possible.. it still doesn't address why , and like it or not.. he is part of that reason. so to fix things, that needs to be addressed.

Being transparent, in a marriage that otherwise does not change.. just makes you feel like you are living with a warden. Not someone willing to work together, to make things better.

I had one after 7 years of zero intimacy, with a H who didn't think it was important. But it was killing me slowly. Had he been interested in addressing his part in the rocky and failed relationship, that would have helped, and he would not now be an exH.

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Flutterby

@tolerantmongoose: Well cheating doesn't happen in a vacuum (especially for women), and if the reasons are not addressed from both sides of the issue, you're right it will happen again.

It took me exactly 6 weeks to end my dead marriage, after feeling alive for the first time in many years. You don't know the lengths I went to, to try and fix things long before I gave up, and resentment set in, there was no going back at that point.