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I Am Depressed

I woke up really not in the mood to do anything, I don't see a reason to exist. I don't see any future to my life, there's only a certain truth and it haunts my existence. I hate feeling 90 y o in my mid 20s it doesn't make sense to be stuck in a broken shell of a body, I was never ready for this shit. It's really only a matter of time till my illness wins the fight and I never got my head fully around it and I shouldn't let it weigh me down this far but may be today I just will.

I wish I was typing this more anonymously than this, I want to hide from everything and everyone I am just too tired at this point and too sad and dramatic. I'm sure that one thing could help though which is to really hide and block the whole world out for a bit. I'll be back once I get my shit together. But again I'll just bury everything back inside, and wait till it surfaces back up again. What is the point of anything anyway. I am tired of everything even the awareness shit I see about my illness makes me feel bad and ironically I'm supposed to be doing my own awareness on Instagram. Imagine typing about all this negativity on there, what a mess of a life. It's time for a little break from SW to pretend that there's something in my life that I can still control.

The thing is nothing triggered these thoughts, I don't get it either I am simply as unstable as a person can be. I am ok I guess this is only what I normally carry around in my own head.
Miram · 31-35, F
I am sorry people are giving you stupid advice unaware of your condition. And I am sorry that life been so cruel to you.
@Miram It's ok she deleted her comment before I saw it 🤷‍♂
Thanks Mira 🥰❤❤❤
Miram · 31-35, F
ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M
You're already serving your purpose Modi. You're one of the kindest and most considerate young men I've ever met and you're an inspiration to everyone who cares to get to know you, me included.
That may not have been the purpose you'd have chosen yourself - but that's the hand that your life has dealt you and in my opinion you're rising to the challenge admirably.
ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M
My interpretation of your life doesn't involve leaping antelope turning into a clump of grass Modi. Not to put too fine a point on it but the state of your physical health gives you every reason to feel bitter and twisted. But instead of doing that you regularly choose to rise above it and offer nothing but kindness and support to the people around you. When you die you'll leave the world a better place for having been born, and that's something that only the strongest and bravest of men ever achieve. 👍️ @PiecingBabyFaceTogether
@ThePerfectUsername It never made sense to me either tbh. Thank you. You know it feels weird talking to anyone about death without them getting into religion, that's a big reason why I avoid talking about it in offline life.
ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M
Death is hugely over-rated imo. The positive influence of kind people on the lives of other regularly outlasts their lifespan.
@PiecingBabyFaceTogether
Hush92 · 26-30, F
To me it sounds like you are having too much time with nothing going on and so you are getting stuck in your head.....as for feeling 90 maybe this is really feelings of loneliness because you have not found friends at your maturity level. Seek out meaningful relationships for yourself....as for having no purpose, a purpose doesn't just fall out of the sky for us one day we must make our own purpose. Find something you want to do in the world and do it.
SW-User
I understand this. I send you light . X
@SW-User Thanks 🤗
raysam363 · 31-35, F
That's depression in a nutshell, my everyday life too. Sometimes you just gotta push and try to be positive. It doesn't fix anything, but it keeps the depression from overwhelming you.
@raysam363 Thank you for your super dude 🤗 I'm sorry you are dealing with depression as well. Take care.
Its like that for me and I am in my seventies. It is not my fault though and it is not your fault. The world wants powerless people so it can walk all over us. KEEP FIGHTING FOR YOUR RIGHT TO BE AWESOME!!!!!
Mindful · 56-60, F
Just know we wish things we better. Sometimes health is a matter of imbalanced chemicals and nothing you deserve. 💜😞
RosaDawn · 46-50, F
Meditations. It's proven to prevent depression. It can only helps.
maxeen · 61-69, F
i think of you. ..in my heart and soul...😔
This message was deleted by its author.
@sspec 🤗 thanks
This message was deleted by its author.

 
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