I Am Depressed

I woke up really not in the mood to do anything, I don't see a reason to exist. I don't see any future to my life, there's only a certain truth and it haunts my existence. I hate feeling 90 y o in my mid 20s it doesn't make sense to be stuck in a broken shell of a body, I was never ready for this shit. It's really only a matter of time till my illness wins the fight and I never got my head fully around it and I shouldn't let it weigh me down this far but may be today I just will.

I wish I was typing this more anonymously than this, I want to hide from everything and everyone I am just too tired at this point and too sad and dramatic. I'm sure that one thing could help though which is to really hide and block the whole world out for a bit. I'll be back once I get my shit together. But again I'll just bury everything back inside, and wait till it surfaces back up again. What is the point of anything anyway. I am tired of everything even the awareness shit I see about my illness makes me feel bad and ironically I'm supposed to be doing my own awareness on Instagram. Imagine typing about all this negativity on there, what a mess of a life. It's time for a little break from SW to pretend that there's something in my life that I can still control.

The thing is nothing triggered these thoughts, I don't get it either I am simply as unstable as a person can be. I am ok I guess this is only what I normally carry around in my own head.

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ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M

You're already serving your purpose Modi. You're one of the kindest and most considerate young men I've ever met and you're an inspiration to everyone who cares to get to know you, me included.
That may not have been the purpose you'd have chosen yourself - but that's the hand that your life has dealt you and in my opinion you're rising to the challenge admirably.

PiecingBabyFaceTogether · 26-30

@ThePerfectUsername So that's the circle of life? Is that Mufasa? 😉

Thanks for your support 🤗 you are a lovely person with a lovely soul and I appreciate getting to know you.

ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M

My interpretation of your life doesn't involve leaping antelope turning into a clump of grass Modi. Not to put too fine a point on it but the state of your physical health gives you every reason to feel bitter and twisted. But instead of doing that you regularly choose to rise above it and offer nothing but kindness and support to the people around you. When you die you'll leave the world a better place for having been born, and that's something that only the strongest and bravest of men ever achieve. 👍️ @PiecingBabyFaceTogether

PiecingBabyFaceTogether · 26-30

@ThePerfectUsername It never made sense to me either tbh. Thank you. You know it feels weird talking to anyone about death without them getting into religion, that's a big reason why I avoid talking about it in offline life.

ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M

Death is hugely over-rated imo. The positive influence of kind people on the lives of other regularly outlasts their lifespan.
@PiecingBabyFaceTogether