I Am Depressed

I'm in a terrible place right now. Suicide seems like the best option the more it invades my mind and the more I dwell on my life. I have nobody to talk to and a boyfriend who is too good to be brought down by me. It breaks my heart knowing he's settling. I know he's the one and he loves me too but I find myself wanting to leave him so he has a better life. It would make suicide easier. Only I do not want to die. I want a future with this man and I want my life to be in a better place. Everything just seems so hopeless when treatments won't work and it begins to affect all areas of your life. I wish I wasn't broken and I wish I could be a better me.