Struggles & Identity > Experiences

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I Feel Alone

This is the other side of my story.
The part where my heart beats are rapid, my tears are in my throat.
I am scared! 😢
I hope I can do for us as it is needed.
Living here in the woods and so far away from others.
Just the two of us.
Our buddy will be here for just a day or two afterwards when we get home.
What if something goes wrong?
Can I handle my chores, living as we do by myself.
I can push myself to exhaustion and keep going till I fall.
Done it before, guess I am a hardhead.
Nothing matters more than my life with my loving husband.
I guess this is the flipside of how and where we live.
I wish I was young again.
I wish we had a good neighbor to check in on us.
Sorry for the whining.
I do not have the privilege to be feeling sorry for myself right now.
Ain't no time for this crap that is running thru my mind!!!!
ok... I said enough. Thanks for reading.
Got our buddy coming in around noon today.
One more cup of coffee and I will swallow my fear and get on with my doings.

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Echoing · 61-69, F

TO YOU ALL WONDERFUL SOULS HERE.....

THANK YOU!!! YOU ALL MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE!!!!

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Echoing · 61-69, F

@SW-User 😢 & 😁… all at the same time!! (hug)

Vivaci

@Echoing We're always here for you....just feel free to post or write a pm, if you feel lonely. 🤗🤗🤗

SwampFlower · 31-35, F

I disagree with the people here telling you to just think of the people who have it worse and be positive.

What you're going through is properly terrifying. We've been through navigating serious health problems while living out in the middle of nowhere. My husband shared a lot of your anxiety. It's valid and understandable to feel that way.

I'm glad you're feeling better now but you don't owe to us of all people to be strong. I'm here for you as is, if no one else.

You CAN do this. The love takes over, let it empower you. ♥️

Echoing · 61-69, F

😢@SwampFlower I did too, think of you & others as others tell me there are worse off people than me. Which is so true!!
I wanted to shout out, and will now...
This is happening to us!!!!!! My loving man and I. My mind and heart is ONLY focus on us and how we feel.

If..IF something goes wrong, he is in the hospital longer OR worse happens...which I know, pray all will be just fine... I will fall apart!!!!

I have never in 63 years of life... loved as deeply or have been any happier than I am now in my life. I KNOW how life can change in a blink of an eye. And of course my brain and emotions are in full force, … it's like I am preparing for the worse and praying for the best.

(hug) You are awesome my friend. THANK YOU! 💞

SwampFlower · 31-35, F

@Echoing well, I think if someone doesn't have something more compassionate and helpful to say than "others have it worse" then they should just keep their dang mouths shut. My humble opinion on that. 🤭

My heart is with you two over these next days. Soon you will both look back on this and say "look what we got through together!" Those little celebratory moments of healing after are worth everything. 🤗🤗🤗

Echoing · 61-69, F

@SwampFlower How on Earth did you get so smart at an young age? ...lol.... (hug)X
Thank you❣️
I have everything packed. I even got my own food going into my cooler so I can have it instead of the high prices at the hospital or hotel.
I am ready! I think.. lol.. sigh .. Lordy be! 😎

SW-User

Although I hearted your question when you first posted, I wasn't sure about what to say to ease your fears. I'm also not someone who easily shares my personal life publicly. But, I'll make an attempt.

I've been where you've been. Different health issues but the fear is the same. Fear is normal and you can't control that emotion. The best advice I can give is to take it one step at a time and don't allow your mind to wander into the "what if" territory. I know it's difficult to do but, right now, you must focus your attention on getting through the surgery. Work on being in the present only. You know your friend will take care of things at the house. Trust that everything will work out as planned. Use that as a mantra when you're sitting and waiting at the hospital. Bring something with you, a book, knitting, needlepoint, etc, whatever will help distract and keep you busy while you wait.

My thoughts are with you and mentally, I'm holding your hand. 🤗💕

Echoing · 61-69, F

@SW-User If you could see me now.... sigh.. wow...
Tears are rolling down my face, I am blowing my nose...lol.. and giggling with thankfulness, heart felt love and care from you all... I am a mess!

I have a tote filled with seed catalogs, my tablet, pen & paper and tissues...lol...

The nights in the hotel will tell the rest of this story. ohh… I need to pack my radio too. 🥴

Thank you❣️ (hug)

SW-User

@Echoing 🤗😘

PoetryNEmotion · F

All of your thoughts are valid ones. Yet you are not truly alone, dear one. You think of possible outcomes in preparation. You are building strength. He is in great hands. And you have each other. And you have those who love you too. So breathe. Just breathe. One step, one day, one night at a time. Blessings.

Echoing · 61-69, F

@PoetryNEmotion Thank you my friend! I got ahold of myself now.
Had to crack a bit so the light could shine thru...lol...

trackman11 · 61-69, M

I think recovery from heart surgery is equally or even more challenging on the caregiver. If possible prioritize your chores and give yourself permission to let the lowest priorities slide. Try to avoid exhaustion so you don’t become ill. If he has to do those awful breathing exercises (I hated them); tell him to be a champion at it! 🙂. Call the surgeon’s office with any questions. Heart surgery is scary and it’s ok to make an “unnecessary “ call or two to be sure all is well. The human body is amazing at recovery and I am sure he will recover quickly. The two of you are in my thoughts and prayers my friend.

Echoing · 61-69, F

🤗@trackman11 Thank you!!!

trackman11 · 61-69, M

@Echoing feel free to update his progress. 🙂

Echoing · 61-69, F

@trackman11 I will! We leave Monday morning and hoping to be back Thursday.
I need this site for my venting and watching myself ;-)

You are kind. Thank you.

4meAndyou · F

You will be absolutely fine. I have a very good "feeling" about your husband's surgery. But you will worry anyway, and clean your house till it squeaks. Because that is all you can do when things are in God's hands.

I think, if you are worried about growing old in a rural area, you should arrange for a call button to wear around your neck. I don't think they are that expensive.

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4meAndyou · F

@Echoing 🤗🤗🤗 You need a little comfort right now.

Echoing · 61-69, F

@4meAndyou God love you!!!!!🤗 💜

4meAndyou · F

@Echoing You, too, sweetheart, and your husband. May God hold you both in the palm of his hand.

SageWanderer · 70-79, M

I’d like to tell you quit worrying about the what if’s and try to think positive. But having been there I understand your concerns. I’m sure they informed you of all the possible outcomes and rates of success. Medical science has come a long way but prayers and good vibes are good. Just to know you have support. 🤗

Echoing · 61-69, F

@SageWanderer Our buddy and us have had a awesome talk, it made me feel 100% better. I am not alone. I had a weak moment, I then got busy... For worrying.. I won't stop till we are home again. Ii hope it's natural to feel... scared of the unknown.
Thank you for your words.

SW-User

You'll be fine. God is watching over you.🙂

Echoing · 61-69, F

@SW-User I know!!! sigh... just a weak emotional moment, but my feelings on this post was how I was feeling.

Vivaci

Just have faith in God, my friend. Take it one day at a time. And trust that when you need help, you will get it. 🤗

There are support groups in the Church and hospital for patients family members. Check it out, they'll help. Don't be scared to ask for help from friends. 🤗💞

Echoing · 61-69, F

@Vivaci I broke down yesterday while my husband and I was talking to our dear buddy. I voiced my fears of … if all will be ok here at the house as we are gone. If I have remembered everything. If I had everything to make him comfortable as he cares for our home and fur babies. and if I need him to stay longer to help us out farther.

sigh...
He hugged me and said... I am here for you both as longer as needed.
I release my tears and ...all was well at that moment!!

I watched them this morning as my husband walked him thru the morning routine ..feeding the deer, filling bird feeders up and our fur babies, plus our morning walks with the dogs. This is an important part of us, our care of our slice of Heaven on Earth here. Simply pleasure of our lives! Plus... our home will be safe now as we are gone from it.

WOW... I am writing a book. But my mind is as full as can be. But..I am strong and tomorrow we begin this journey.

Thank you!!! 💞

Vivaci

@Echoing I have noticed that when we ask God for help and guidance, He always sends his angels in some form to help us.

Your friend is one such angel 😇, and I'm sure, you'll experience many such wonderful miracles wherever you go.

Sending you love and positive vibes, my dear friend. ✨✨💞💞💞✨✨

aradia11 · 61-69, F

There are others having it worse
If you don't like living in reclusion, maybe change that possible.
Sounds ideal to me! Yet grass isn't always greener...
You'll be ok..Use your warrior spirit

Echoing · 61-69, F

@aradia11 I know there are others worse than me/us. No doubt. That is why I try and normal don't...whine. I had a moment... sorry I expressed myself as I did this morning. Better now. Thank you.

aradia11 · 61-69, F

@Echoing I just hope your doing well..I too have moments...want to run away .

samueltyler2 · 80-89, M

When you feel down, think. Of others in worse shape, count your blessings and get up and moving!

Echoing · 61-69, F

@samueltyler2 And that is exactly what I did too! Thanks!!

Whiterosesociety

We can be your good neighbors and would love to check in on you.

You are courageous and grown up to ask out.👻

Echoing · 61-69, F

@Whiterosesociety Thanks!!

Happymedium · 51-55, F

Thinking of you.💞
Sending good thoughts your way.
Hope everything goes smoothly

Echoing · 61-69, F

@Happymedium 💞 ☺️ Thanks!!

Whiterosesociety

The crowd tried to interfere with this holy song but they backed off...here's the answer to your grief and aloneness..and hope you are doing well today![youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlW-3o6MUsM]

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Echoing · 61-69, F

@Stereoguy You have been a very fine friend to me. Always making me feel better..and supported.
I have faith in myself too. I just weirded out and went on a scary head trip this morning thinking of all the what ifs!
I got a hold of myself now..
Thank you!
You are awesome!

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Echoing · 61-69, F

@SW-User I am almost ashamed of this post. It was first thing this morning and my mind was full and my nerves raw.
I am stronger then that...I almost deleted this. But hey... I am better now.
Thank you Rooster!

PoetryNEmotion · F

@Echoing *softly* Never be ashamed to share your feelings! Never delete what you put here! It is all a part of you and of your life. As you help others, they shall help you. This is what echoes EP (no pun intended) and this is why SW lives.

Echoing · 61-69, F

@PoetryNEmotion You are something else my friend. You always know what to say to make me feel better. THANK YOU! (hug) 💞

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