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How do I get bf to help out with chores? [I Need Advice]

My boyfriend and I moved into our new apartment about 2 months ago. Things are mostly fine except I tend to do most of the chores. Now when I ask him to do a chore he'll do it without complaint but he never just gets up and does anything on his own. I'm the one who keeps the house mostly clean. I think part of the problem was his mother is very sweet but she was very relaxed and laid back in raising him and he was not made to do many things around the house. Any advice?
BlueVeins · 22-25
Have you addressed his lack of initiative with him directly? That seems like an obvious first step.
NiftyWhite · 46-50, F
Cant fix that. He either doesn’t “value” a clean house, or the idea that cleaning the house is a mutual effort.
@NiftyWhite This answer. Exactly my thoughts.
Sunflower2021 · 31-35, F
If someone was never forced to clean even as a chore it's hard to get them to do it on their own when they're accustom to others doing it for them. When I was growing up my mom NEVER gave us chores. My younger brother and I usually would clean without being told to. One of my older brothers got his own place with his gf and they were both filthy. At first he would help clean but after a while you couldn't even walk in their place without stepping on something. You can try to start small like on Mondays and Wednesdays it will be your turn to clean the kitchen. I wouldn't really expect that to work but you can try. My partner will clean usually without me asking but I really don't expect him to because he has a physically demanding job. Or you can buy disposable dishes and give it to him to use since he don't want to clean. Try not cleaning for a week, I know it will be hard, and see if he just cleans it.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
Honestly I struggled I tried. Before my bf moved in he and I spoke about things. If I cooked he was happy to wash up, if he cooked I'd wash up. Anyways he just didn't the same with laundry if you to put something away check the cupboard then put a wash on, I work I get tired.
Anyways he just never cared enough and made everything hard.
So I didn't bother forcing him I kicked him out.
Have you spoken to him about it instead of just telling him to do it ? 😐

You can’t force people to change and make efforts in things they don’t want to. Even things as small as something like chores. So, if he doesn’t see a problem with you doing all the chores, and you’ve already expressed to him that you would like more help with chores, and he’s made no efforts to change then there’s just going to be a consistent cycle of you telling him to help with the chores, or you doing the chores on your own. All we can do is express how we feel, and that person can either make the efforts to fix it or ignore it. So, if he doesn’t care enough to make the efforts to help out after you’ve already expressed wanting help, then that’s just who he is. And it’s just one of those qualities you can either accept in him or move on.
Tell him living together is a 2-way street & he needs to help out. When my xwife moved in with me before we were married she did household chores w/o my asking. Not well, especially laundry but she tried....
I wish I knew how to help in situations like this but honestly I just watched helplessly every time dad didn't want to do something and me and mom were always frustrated at how he knew all he had to do was be like give me awhile and it'll get done and then she'd forget and he'd never get around to it, and now he's gone and i'm stuck for instance figuring out how he set up his twenty thousand devices and being the reverse engineer who has to figure out how to solve any number of tech oriented problems he set up and never took care of. when men don't want to do something really the only way to motivate us is incentives... i've seen my fair share of people trying to doll out punishments to compel me not to do something or to do it and it just never works. also those incentives have to be personally relevant.... fortunately figured out how to get into his cloud accounts and emails.
1–dump old bf
2–get new bf
3–give néw bf chores
Get another boyfriend
SW-User
"Your next girlfriend is going to expect you to take care of yourself and your place. You don't need to meet my expectations but you might want to raise yours if you're looking to date someone like me or better."
MURD3RM0NK3Y · 26-30, M
Give him a good blowjob to get him motivated 👍
NiftyWhite · 46-50, F
@MURD3RM0NK3Y What a chauvinistic joke/comment. Get a life.
ninalanyon · 61-69, T
As a boyfriend he might be worth keeping but he is not long term partner material unless you really can change his way of thinking.

If he continues to think and behave this way you will always be the skivvy in the partnership.
eMortal · M
Know that he's lazy. Get rid of him now or prepare to live with it.

 
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