Have you ever?

@Eclipsed sometimes my behaviour hurts others because I do not give them what they want. And that is ok too. I dont have to regardless of our relationship. As they dont have to either . It doesnt make me selfish ,not by my definition of the word anyway. Deliberately hurting them on the other hand,would be a different thing .
Agreed

@PepsiColaP in the context of friendship only.. in the context of a friendship where both feel they are on the same page.. not talking anything else, flirtation, sexual whatever, if we were talking about anything romantic with anyone I would agree 100 percent with you. I think maybe you are mixing these up? Seeing them somehow as the same..

or

Perhaps more likely, there are truly only a few people you truly believe to be actual friends and treat them with a greater sense of personal importance and emotional accountability. but there are many more people who you proclaim to be friends, but in name only, perhaps even pretend to be on the same page with. That you spread yourself far to thin with far to many people and in order to maintain these so called *friendships* you have to protect yourself emotionally, because inside you truly don't consider them friends. In this context your detachment from responsibility makes perfect sense.

No we are never ultimately obligated to do anything for anyone. This is abstraction and wishful thinking once more. You are not obligated to care for and be there for your mother, but you do and if you ignored her you would feel bad, because you would be betraying an internalized sense of responsibility for her emotional well being.

To me (if you truly consider someone a friend) you take on that emotional accountability not because you have to but because you want to, and if you truly feel they are friends you expect the same from them , but if you have decieved them into thinking you are closer to them than you actually are, all your logic makes sense. But that is just as bad as a deliberate transgression agaist them.. and that is indeed very selfish.

@Eclipsed I see now that this may be a difference on what we perceive to be a good friend or son/daughter,on our perception of duties . My parents have been open about wanting to be put into care home if they ever became incapable of taking care of themselves because of old age or illness, and in the worse case scenario of completely losing all autonomy I know they would want to be euthanized. That may be because they are children of migrants and migrants themselves ,and we all live far apart from each other and value our independence,but also as my mother puts it, you bring children into this life having a responsibility towards them,not them towards you. It is selfish to give life to someone and then expect them to put that life on hold to cater to your needs ,she wouldnt want that for her self and she wouldnt want that for us. And I agree. My parents give me a lot of space and this is how I see my relationships with most people in my life. We may go days without seeing each other and talk for an average of 5 minutes each day. They only care that I do well and trust in me and respect my space. And so I do in them . Even though I understand that they would probably love to spend a lot more time with me they also understand that that to care for someone it means to want them to do well. The selfish part is wanting to be reason of why they do well or spend time with them regardless of how they do because it makes you feel well. And so I dont see a reason to spend time with others unless if I want to ,and with my loved one I most usually want to do that for long hours when I get with them. But also I have other responsibilities to attend to,like school and work and my well being outside of those,which may include a lot of time to myself. And If my loved ones do not understand that as part of me doing well then that is none of my concern to attend to or prove to them,or sacrifice for them. Because if I'm not doing well then they do not love me. Just as me interfering with their career,or academic success ,or personal care,because I believe I deserve that time due to a title we may hold . That is what is selfish to me

@KuroNeko no it doesn't.

@NickiHijab this.. you nailed it.

@Eclipsed I only regret not leaving sooner.

@Iwillwait wow.. interesting. I need more of this in my life I think.

@Eclipsed We all do. The dysfunctional co-dependent abusive relationships should be halted abruptly before significant damage is realized. It was too late for me and I was brutally scarred.

@Trippy facts.. you always present psychological facts. Thank you!

One of my bad behaviors amoung others, is I put people on pedestals and that puts pressure on them because they don't want to disappoint or feel that can't reciprocate to that degree. I know I've sometimes made this mistake with you. I'm sorry.

@Eclipsed You my friend owe me no apologies. I seek none. ❤️

@Trippy always ❤️

@littlepuppywantanewlife this is me.. you put it well. Thank you.

@Eclipsed Trying to do the right thing and getting it wrong from fear of abandonment

@SW-User I know this feeling.

@Eclipsed I try to get out of it. I recognise me doing the same things and I cant always stop. Maybe I should stop caring.

@summersong I get it.. it's so fucking hard.

@SW-User I am so so so sorry. Truly.. you don't deserve it.

@Eclipsed Thank you my friend. It's just a coping mechanism so I heal from my own stupidity.

@Sweetpoison awww.. thank you ❤️

@SW-User I get it.. its a balance.. but ultimately we have to set the boundaries.. people can't read our minds.. half the time they are pissing us off.. who's fault is that? Still.. its nice to treated well by those who claim to care most.

@Teggy thanks teggy.. youre always so positive.. also I forget.. how many days until Christmas?

@Eclipsed 251 days till Christmas 🎄 😎