You have been anal probed by aliens.

They abducted you and probed your anus with alien dildos.
They’re coming back for you tonight and there is nothing you can do about it.

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StygianKohlrabi · M

no, I think I scared them off

StygianKohlrabi · M

@StygianKohlrabi I tried sprinkling salt around my bed, herbs, etc. nothing worked. then I just consciously decided to fight those weenies. after a few months, I was able to completely resist the paralysis effect and I haven't been bothered since