Last night my bed felt too cold to get a decent night of rest in.

I found out at 4am when I turned the heat up that it wasn’t a temperature issue…it was a “wish he was lying next to me” issue. It was partly because I had a long talk with a good friend last night, a talk that made me talk about what has been weighing me down lately. That talk opened up the things I’ve held within because that’s what I’m accustomed to and unfortunately included the issues within my personal life. She asked me what a true partner would look like to me, and these grown up answers came pouring out of me that I was honestly surprised to hear. It became clear I wasn’t the sweep me off my feet kind of girl anymore. Instead I’m the make me feel safe so my nervous system can finally chill girl. But it made him come to life in a way, emotionally in my mind…and perhaps in my heart even though I didn’t want that to happen. Whoever he is, maybe he felt the cold without me there with him last night, that longing shared. That’s what I’m going to tell my hopeless romantic heart that really needs to chill as I greatly need this year to recalibrate so many things within, including focusing on myself more so I can be truly worthy of such a partner in life.


Anyway, this morning I’m cradling my smoothie against my chest. The added Dutch chocolate protein powder is my new love and I’m content with that. Chocolate mixed with fruit? C’mon. Tell me that isn’t its own love story.


Stay warm today as Winter flexes for many of us. May that warmth carry over into the nighttime when it’s needed even more 💞