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My Side of the Family Excludes Me and My Kids from Thanksgiving Every Year

I’m a mom with 2 kiddos and a husband. I’m a little surprised at how like we are never invited to Thanksgiving on my Dad’s side of the family.
(The one I’m closest to)

My mom doesn’t really have one. But my Dad and step mom have a HUGE Thanskgiving dinner every year that my family, and my brothers family aren’t invited to. We were invited once.. and then never again. I’m not even sure why, we didn’t do anything out of the ordinary the one time we were invited.

I guess I’m just wondering if this is normal? Especially when coming from a divided family? Like my Stepmom just basically says they don’t have enough room and she invites all kinds of random people like neighbors and coworkers, homeless people puts on a huge to do… but doesn’t want US there.

My dad, you know he’s always been completely spineless so, I just often assume he doesn’t want to rock the boat. He just said one time, you’ve got plans right? You wouldn’t need to come over here for Thanksgiving? I was like sure! Ya! Okay!…. He called my brother and did the same thing…My poor brother he has absolutely no one either, no in laws or anything. We try to make plans but he prefers to hermit on that day and be alone and sulk he says….my kids also are confused and asked why we don’t spend any time with moms family on Thanksgiving.. it makes me really sad to be honest. I just don’t understand. When I have my own Thanksgiving everyone will be invited.

Any advice? Every year I catch myself crying over it, and feel just well.. left out. And sad that neither my mom or dad have a desire to see my sweet little family during the holidays. And quite frankly they don’t seem to care to or understand how that could be hurtful.
DailyFlash · 56-60, M
I don't think there's anything you can do. Have your own big Thanksgiving with your brother's family. Create your own traditions for your kids. You can only change your side of the fence
updown2020 · 61-69, M
@DailyFlash Yes you are right why get worked up over nothing and nothing will change,
Family members can be toxic. You fo not need that. Forget them. Celebrate your way. Make your own family traditions. Your father is weak. Your in- law is undesirable and mean. Stop expecting change from people who are uncaring. You will be much happier.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
@PoetryNEmotion honestly really solid advice. Appreciate you!
updown2020 · 61-69, M
@Brassm0nk3y You are allow them to win and to take up space in your head and ruining the holidays for yourself and your family just move on.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
@updown2020 I really appreciate this. I am, and you’re right. Thank you for reminding me if that. ❤️🥰
updown2020 · 61-69, M
Why not just ask them why you cannot come over . How about Christmas is it the same thing also?
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
100% thank you for this @NativePortlander1970
@Brassm0nk3y You are so very welcome :)
updown2020 · 61-69, M
@Brassm0nk3y we cannot choice our family .
iamBen · M
I feel for you. Divided families are a challenge.

If your dad and step mom don't care about your family there's little you can do to change that. It would probably be best to accept the situation and create your own thanksgiving traditions with your family. Keep inviting your brother. Caring enough to express wanting his company matters. Maybe you can bring your brother food from your Thanksgiving this year. He might join you next year. Who knows?
Jenny1234 · 51-55, F
Throw rotten eggs at their house next time and go back to your place after for a nice big dinner
Sepia · 36-40, F
Never mind, make your own thanksgiving party and invite the rest of the family whoever who don’t have anyone to spend on that day… you don’t have to invite yourself on people who aren’t cordially inviting you…

If they appear sour, thinking in advance that they have to stop your intentions of being there for them.. just let them, you can do things on your way.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
@Sepia this might be the best advice. Thank you for this
Sepia · 36-40, F
@Brassm0nk3y This is how I cope with people who are vague and those who can never be met by understanding. Shall I say it works well.
updown2020 · 61-69, M
We’ll have you ever thought just to drive by and see what’s going on? Not your family just you ? What if nothing is going on is it possible they do not have money to through a big dinner ? Or your stepmom could be the b word and tells your dad no family for dinner .
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
@updown2020 They share it all over social media every year it’s a huge huge group of all their friends and neighbors and her kids.. like 30 people they rent chairs and tables.
Barefooter25 · 46-50, M
Many times, family and relatives can be toxic. Maybe spending the holidays with your husband's family.
DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F
Throw your own Thanksgiving dinner and invite your brother. Make the holiday festive again.
Redbeard · 56-60, M
It's on them, not you. It's very tough, but a lot of these dinners are very over-rated. We should be thankful 24/7.
Jayciedubb · 56-60, M
Use it as an excuse not to participate in things they expect you to participate in but you would rather not.
BigBulge · 41-45, M
My mother's side of the family (her sister, 2 brothers, and parents) never once invited us over for so much as a drink of water, much less a Thanksgiving dinner.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
@BigBulge was that really painful growing up?
BigBulge · 41-45, M
@Brassm0nk3y No, it wasn't painful. We lived with my father's parents. So, we had our own Thanksgiving dinners, and other holidays.
MrBrownstone · 46-50, M
(((((HUGS))))) I am so very sorry that is happening to you and your family. TBH blood kin means nothing to me, I have the same issues, things got bad for me after my Dad died when I was bad on my mother's side of the family, and after my Dad's father died when I was 22, my grandmother and some other blood kin started showing their true colors towards me. To me family is who has your back and doesn't betray you.
This message was deleted by its author.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
@SandWitch in a way, yes! Lol thanks 🥰

 
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