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A reflection on my life

Imagine you’re living in a rough situation, where your mother is neglectful and screams at you all the time because she sees you as a form of competition and never really wanted you as a daughter, meanwhile you’re doing your best to help take care of (and discipline) your autistic brother since she asks.. even though your brother hits you and throws things at you, it’s “okay” because it’s just sibling rivalry. And you’re 9, 10, 11 years old. Some time later, you move in with another family member, who abuses you in other ways.

And then once you turn 14, you move into a house that feels like a mansion (it’s not, but it’s a lot bigger) and you suddenly have a very loving family who cares for you.

Then you spend the next several years fighting against it because you don’t know how to adjust - you didn’t grow up in that kind of home. And these people are very overprotective, and it grates on you. It’s like placing a feral cat in a house with people. It doesn’t know what to do, but it’s freaking out because where it’s at “doesn’t feel right”. But *then* you eventually start to appreciate it once you adjust.

It’s a mind warp.
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
As somebody who has worked in childcare for fostering and adoption breakdowns for the last thirty seven years, i can say your account is very typical.

You shouldn't feel bad about coming to this realization 'late' in life.
It sounds like you had an awful lot to work through before you got there.
And if your 'place of safety' is STILL your place of safety........Good for you.
Sorceress · F
@Picklebobble2 Thank you, I really appreciate that. I think I’m so used to seeing other people who have struggled “not end up so well” that I feel conflicted. It’s not survivor’s guilt, per se, but something similar to it. I went through a period where I was in a residential as I recovered, too, so I think I have an idea of what you mean
therighttothink50 · 56-60, M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVppxyO6HwQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aitj0AX2szk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJgLhfQuRTE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYLbASoecyc


"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."


-Helen Keller-

Made me think of these songs, stay strong :)
ArtieKat · M
@therighttothink50 I love the Marmalade track!
i’m sorry that you were abused in such a way. that’s awful
Sorceress · F
@crownedwithlaurel97 Thank you. On a positive note, I’ve recovered quite a bit, so things are much better now
@Sorceress i’m glad
NothingLikeYou · 26-30
@crownedwithlaurel97 Ur gunna kill me more than themm
abman55 · 61-69, M
You need someone to talk to. Please do that.
abman55 · 61-69, M
@Sorceress is it helpful? If you ever just want to talk, yell or vent please feel free to use me as a sounding board. I have had my share of negative feelings that i had to work through
With help of course
Sorceress · F
@abman55 Hmm.. I’d say that it helps a bit. One of these days, I’d like to find someone who specializes in other modalities that aren’t just CBT.

But thank you so much, I really appreciate that and I’m sorry that you’ve also struggled with negative feelings. When I’m experiencing intense emotions, I try to remind myself that even with as difficult as they are, many of them are temporary and they’ll eventually pass. It’s just a matter of waiting out the storm and having the right materials (coping skills) to work through it.
abman55 · 61-69, M
@Sorceress you are certainly on the right path with your thinking. It sometimes feels like a mountain to climb, but i like to always think i am on the top of that mountain and am easing my way back down. One step at s time. You will always get to the bottom that way
JRVanguard · 26-30, M
Proud of who you are and what you’ve done🫂
I hope you feel properly adjusted
samueltyler2 · 80-89, M
How old are you now? BTW. Great profile image.
iamonfire696 · 36-40, F
I am so sorry for everything you have gone through.

 
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