A reflection on my life

Imagine you’re living in a rough situation, where your mother is neglectful and screams at you all the time because she sees you as a form of competition and never really wanted you as a daughter, meanwhile you’re doing your best to help take care of (and discipline) your autistic brother since she asks.. even though your brother hits you and throws things at you, it’s “okay” because it’s just sibling rivalry. And you’re 9, 10, 11 years old. Some time later, you move in with another family member, who abuses you in other ways.

And then once you turn 14, you move into a house that feels like a mansion (it’s not, but it’s a lot bigger) and you suddenly have a very loving family who cares for you.

Then you spend the next several years fighting against it because you don’t know how to adjust - you didn’t grow up in that kind of home. And these people are very overprotective, and it grates on you. It’s like placing a feral cat in a house with people. It doesn’t know what to do, but it’s freaking out because where it’s at “doesn’t feel right”. But *then* you eventually start to appreciate it once you adjust.

It’s a mind warp.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

SW-User

You need someone to talk to. Please do that.

Sorceress · F

@SW-User I have a psychologist, but thank you. There isn’t much else to talk about with her, I’ve rehashed most of my life and worked through a fair chunk of it.

SW-User

@Sorceress is it helpful? If you ever just want to talk, yell or vent please feel free to use me as a sounding board. I have had my share of negative feelings that i had to work through
With help of course

Sorceress · F

@SW-User Hmm.. I’d say that it helps a bit. One of these days, I’d like to find someone who specializes in other modalities that aren’t just CBT.

But thank you so much, I really appreciate that and I’m sorry that you’ve also struggled with negative feelings. When I’m experiencing intense emotions, I try to remind myself that even with as difficult as they are, many of them are temporary and they’ll eventually pass. It’s just a matter of waiting out the storm and having the right materials (coping skills) to work through it.

SW-User

@Sorceress you are certainly on the right path with your thinking. It sometimes feels like a mountain to climb, but i like to always think i am on the top of that mountain and am easing my way back down. One step at s time. You will always get to the bottom that way