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A reflection on my life

Imagine you’re living in a rough situation, where your mother is neglectful and screams at you all the time because she sees you as a form of competition and never really wanted you as a daughter, meanwhile you’re doing your best to help take care of (and discipline) your autistic brother since she asks.. even though your brother hits you and throws things at you, it’s “okay” because it’s just sibling rivalry. And you’re 9, 10, 11 years old. Some time later, you move in with another family member, who abuses you in other ways.

And then once you turn 14, you move into a house that feels like a mansion (it’s not, but it’s a lot bigger) and you suddenly have a very loving family who cares for you.

Then you spend the next several years fighting against it because you don’t know how to adjust - you didn’t grow up in that kind of home. And these people are very overprotective, and it grates on you. It’s like placing a feral cat in a house with people. It doesn’t know what to do, but it’s freaking out because where it’s at “doesn’t feel right”. But *then* you eventually start to appreciate it once you adjust.

It’s a mind warp.
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Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
As somebody who has worked in childcare for fostering and adoption breakdowns for the last thirty seven years, i can say your account is very typical.

You shouldn't feel bad about coming to this realization 'late' in life.
It sounds like you had an awful lot to work through before you got there.
And if your 'place of safety' is STILL your place of safety........Good for you.
Sorceress · F
@Picklebobble2 Thank you, I really appreciate that. I think I’m so used to seeing other people who have struggled “not end up so well” that I feel conflicted. It’s not survivor’s guilt, per se, but something similar to it. I went through a period where I was in a residential as I recovered, too, so I think I have an idea of what you mean