Narc mom no contact sent thousands $ of gifts. Donated to charity. Will daughter resent me one day?

I haven’t had contact with my mom for almost a year now. She was physically and mentally abusive to me as a child. At one point CPS got involved because of all of the bruises. Had to go live with my dad. She’s always tried to exert control over me. And resented when I set healthy boundaries. She said a lot of awful things about me and my husband to and behind our backs. About my daughter as well. And to protect myself and truly our family I made the choice to go no contact. My brother has as well. I just can’t handle it, the stress. For Christmas my mom sent about 3k worth of very lavish, oversized extravagant gifts addressed to my child. We’ve made the choice to donate them to charity. I worry if this was the right choice. And if I should let my mom know so that she understands she won’t ever be able to manipulate our daughter with money. I wonder if my daughter will one day find out and then resent me. When that time comes I’ll tell her the truth but I wonder if that will be enough. Or if she’ll one day hate me for it. I feel like my brother and dad will be able to corroborate my stories.. Anyone have similar stories? Advice?

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forty7seventy4 · 46-50, F

My opinion, donating them to charity was the right choice.
Speaking to your mom about it, may not be a good idea.
My own experience has taught me that your mom may view that as the contact that she craves, she got a reaction. I doubt she'll feel in the wrong at all for her actions.
It wouldn't be worth the trouble.
As for your daughter, I am willing to bet that the truth will be enough for her.

PepsiColaP

I have something similar with an inlaw. Out of all that persons children only one kept contact with him and they keep getting hurt/frustrated over their behavior. That person is an adult,close to twice my age,and to that day I see a lot of trauma and a small child in them when their father does that to them again. They also have issues with anger and masculinity and confessed to me that they hate any figure of authority because of their father and had trouble with the law before. I think you did the best thing in sort. Your duty is to protect your children and they can easily be victims of emotional abuse. They may resent you for making that decision for them but whats more important is their stability and wellbeing. Eventually they may realise or not. No one knows. But the fact she spent so much money on tangible items to approach someone is not a positive sign of someone with a healthy state of mind .

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

Narcissists tend to give lavish gifts when they are trying to manipulate someone or get closer to them. Probably best that you donated them if there was a no-contact order. Those gifts would have reminded you of her and you don’t need that resentment and stress.

4meAndyou · F

You did the right thing. People with character, and with self respect, can not be purchased by their manipulative narcissist parents.

I did the same thing, in a somewhat dramatic way. I delivered all of her gifts back to their house while they were on one of their many vacations.

Then I abandoned my car in a parking lot down by the docks, because that was just one more way she was trying to buy me.

I lived for almost 2 years on my own steam.

bijouxbroussard · F

No, your daughter should understand that you were protecting her, especially if you explain it as you have to us (assuming that’s necessary). Your mother’s trying to [b]buy[/b] absolution for abuse. 😞

forty7seventy4 · 46-50, F

@bijouxbroussard Yes, exactly. I second that her daughter will understand she's trying to protect her.

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