My therapist said to look at a picture of myself when I was a child to really see who I am, that innocence, that little girl who was needing love, and did not get it. But there was so much chaos, violence etc, that I truly don't remember most of my childhood, and, I can't really SEE me ...even looking at this picture of me at one years old. I feel so much kindness, patience, and love for all children I've nannied or as a teacher...yet I feel so numb that I cant feel anything looking at this picture.
I'm supposed to find empathy for that little girl who was mocked or degraded daily, even as a Toddler, but I cant feel anything 😢 How can I try to heal this?
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I think we all learn coping skills of some kind,but some are not healthy, but they're the way we learned to cope. Maybe that's what therapy tries to help with giving us healthy ways to cope with our emotions? If you do see that little girl for who she is perhaps you would feel like you would never stop crying and you want to avoid that? Perhaps, the little girl was punished when she cried? That's just a shot in the dark, of course ,I don't know how you really feel. I just know not wanting to cry or show emotion is sometimes why I don't explore certain parts of myself.
@Justmeraeagain I don't think it's that I'd cry and never stop but I was given mocking and horrible faces of disgust daily, just for walking in the room..then was told I didn't have a right to talk sometimes, or defend myself. I slowly thought I should barely exist, and don't have a right to exist. Which is painstakingly hard to try to correct this belief 😟
