Is it sexual assault?!
I'm sorry I'll have to unload this on y'all but I really need an outsider's point of view (because it's so personal and grave and I can't share this with anyone at all!)
Im 26, f, with good earning job and living with a good surrounding. But I have a low self esteem and low self confidence in ways I couldn't get over despite a lot effort and self development strategies... I tried to understand what's going on and I remembered recently (yep, I had totally forgotten about it) a couple situations I went through when I was a child
-back when I was around 05 y.o, me and my cousin, F, who was my age would undress from the waist down and try to finger each other's butthole (she was mostly on top and I always felt obliged to be down, I dont remember why) I don't recall when we stopped (probably when school started?) but I was so shocked when i remembered this happened. And I am also appalled and ashamed by the fact that I always wanted to feel what it's like to actually explore another's cavity and I remembered we stopped doing it while I had that desire to do it too...
- another one when i was 07, another cousin, M (her brother), who was 13 or 14 tried to perform oral s**
with me (made me enter a dark room to play hide and seek but we laid on a bed and he put his shaft in my mouth and told me it was candy or something and that we should just go to sleep), I bolted (not comprehending what just occured) escaped and pretended nothing happened at all. (Even now, i guess)
My question is: do people in general typically go through this kind of situation ?! If yes, then i might be exaggerating that I still shudder in disgust (20 years later!!) when i remember this (I also have other consequences concerning these 3 situations, among which some unhealthy addictions)
If not, then should I see a therapist about this? (I already see one but I never felt the need to bring this up cause I felt it is not important and also it is beyond embarrassing )
I need your point of view, without judging, please. I can't ask anyone about this, so am i exaggerating (because the first one we were only 02 children and the 2nd one nothing extreme happened, none of them were major assault I guess) or have I really gone through something worth freaking over?!
Sorry for the ramble
Thank you for reading this shamble of words, have a good night
Im 26, f, with good earning job and living with a good surrounding. But I have a low self esteem and low self confidence in ways I couldn't get over despite a lot effort and self development strategies... I tried to understand what's going on and I remembered recently (yep, I had totally forgotten about it) a couple situations I went through when I was a child
-back when I was around 05 y.o, me and my cousin, F, who was my age would undress from the waist down and try to finger each other's butthole (she was mostly on top and I always felt obliged to be down, I dont remember why) I don't recall when we stopped (probably when school started?) but I was so shocked when i remembered this happened. And I am also appalled and ashamed by the fact that I always wanted to feel what it's like to actually explore another's cavity and I remembered we stopped doing it while I had that desire to do it too...
- another one when i was 07, another cousin, M (her brother), who was 13 or 14 tried to perform oral s**
with me (made me enter a dark room to play hide and seek but we laid on a bed and he put his shaft in my mouth and told me it was candy or something and that we should just go to sleep), I bolted (not comprehending what just occured) escaped and pretended nothing happened at all. (Even now, i guess)
My question is: do people in general typically go through this kind of situation ?! If yes, then i might be exaggerating that I still shudder in disgust (20 years later!!) when i remember this (I also have other consequences concerning these 3 situations, among which some unhealthy addictions)
If not, then should I see a therapist about this? (I already see one but I never felt the need to bring this up cause I felt it is not important and also it is beyond embarrassing )
I need your point of view, without judging, please. I can't ask anyone about this, so am i exaggerating (because the first one we were only 02 children and the 2nd one nothing extreme happened, none of them were major assault I guess) or have I really gone through something worth freaking over?!
Sorry for the ramble
Thank you for reading this shamble of words, have a good night
26-30, F
