Am I just Cold-hearted?

I noticed that you are perplexed.
You seem to be more excited about my progress than I am.
You go out of your way for me to understand how far I've come. That the hard work I've done is paying off.
I am grateful.

Guarded I am.
From wating to express excitement.
From having those neurons fire and jump and give me that high.
No.. because even if close my eyes just for a sec.
Let that excitement in

It becomes fear and tears
Anxiety consumes me
Because I know there is a price to pay for feeling all that excitement just around the corner.

I've been told I'm just cold-hearted.
I guess that's what you become when numbness sets in.