I'm on the verge of a major breakdown

I am so distraught and overwhelmed and afraid. I'm having all these feelings that I don't know what to do with. I can't talk to anyone about them, and I don't have a therapist because I can't afford one. 😞 It feels like an epic depression is on it's way.

I am stressed out about my job security, stressed because I don't get insurance through my job so all of my health issues are currently going untreated, I'm scared that I'll never get to see my family again before one of them dies, and I am finding myself pushing away my boyfriend because I don't want to burden him with all of this and I have never been good enough for him anyway. I love him so much but I can't understand why he wants to be with me. It's all doing my head in.

I spent the entirety of yesterday evening in my room, alone, and I skipped both lunch and dinner. That's exactly what I used to do in my anorexic/depressive years and so naturally I'm freaking out that I may be relapsing into the eating disorder.

I really wish I had friends in real life, people who understood me and cared enough to want to help me in times like this. I feel like an island. 🏝