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How do people deal with feeling alienated from their own culture?

I’m mostly writing this because I don’t know how people can just work through feeling alienated from their other culture (I leaning when someone is mixed race) for an example I’m white mixed with Hispanic and I have hardly ever known anything about my father’s culture (he’s the Hispanic one) My dad even at one point tried to teach me Spanish as a child but my mom said it wasn’t important since I would have no real need to learn it since I would have no one to talk to (this isn’t true I grew up with a lot of Hispanic family and friends). sometimes my friends make fun of me for being “whitewashed” and that I can’t relate to most of the things they talk about, and while yes I can understand they are joking I can’t help but feel a deep hatred for myself for being mixed white, I wish I knew my own language, my own culture, I try to learn but it’s just not the same. I guess what I’m trying to ask or say, is does anyone feel the same way too? Or am I just being hateful? I really don’t know, if anyone has some tips to help it would be appreciated. (Edit i would also like to say that I do look ethnic and it’s even more embarrassing when people ask me things and I have to shamefully admit I don’t know what they are talking about)
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SwampFlower · 31-35, F
Do you have a community you can connect with?
Yourdarlingstar · 22-25
@SwampFlower no after my parents got divorced my mother moved us out into the middle of nowhere and half the people here are not of any color really. The only time I really do is twice a year when I go to my dads house
SwampFlower · 31-35, F
@Yourdarlingstar Have you talked to your dad about it or others on that side?
Yourdarlingstar · 22-25
@SwampFlower yes but he doesn’t quite understand how I feel since he isn’t a very emotional person and he does sometimes talk about it but it’s more do to my coaxing talking to him about it
SwampFlower · 31-35, F
@Yourdarlingstar Your best teachers will be your relatives. I don’t think culture is something you earn by speaking a language or doing performative things. Those come naturally once you have community. It’s more about participating and relationships, which can be rebuilt.

Do you have aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents?