How do people deal with feeling alienated from their own culture?

I’m mostly writing this because I don’t know how people can just work through feeling alienated from their other culture (I leaning when someone is mixed race) for an example I’m white mixed with Hispanic and I have hardly ever known anything about my father’s culture (he’s the Hispanic one) My dad even at one point tried to teach me Spanish as a child but my mom said it wasn’t important since I would have no real need to learn it since I would have no one to talk to (this isn’t true I grew up with a lot of Hispanic family and friends). sometimes my friends make fun of me for being “whitewashed” and that I can’t relate to most of the things they talk about, and while yes I can understand they are joking I can’t help but feel a deep hatred for myself for being mixed white, I wish I knew my own language, my own culture, I try to learn but it’s just not the same. I guess what I’m trying to ask or say, is does anyone feel the same way too? Or am I just being hateful? I really don’t know, if anyone has some tips to help it would be appreciated. (Edit i would also like to say that I do look ethnic and it’s even more embarrassing when people ask me things and I have to shamefully admit I don’t know what they are talking about)

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being · 36-40, F

I've travelled to countries and stayed for a bit whereas there were things I loved. I'll give an example. I liked in Nepal how people were welcoming, open, spiritual.
I didn't like the conservative aspects of their culture, like swimming fully clothed, even in the heat not wearing anything that leaves the skin exposed, etc. I guess, especially if you come from a different culture it can be challenging, not being able to wear what you are used to.

I like what Voodoo says. Choose what you like to adapt to.
Sometimes though you cannot choose, like with the clothing for example, I was swimming in my swimsuit and I was looked at weirdly and so I adapted...I was wearing a long shirt above or going to remote places to swim.

You can also bring some change...:)

Mudkip · 31-35, M

As long as you don't deny your roots. I find that extremely cringe and pretentious. Some of my cousins are like that. They say they only speak English, ironically their English is poor and they refuse to speak Spanish.
In any case, if you really want to learn, there's nothing really stopping you. Spanish is very similar to English. The Spanish alphabet only has four more letters than the English one and some words are literally written the same. Good luck.

Yourdarlingstar · 22-25

@Mudkip yeah I get it thanks for being blunt abt it honestly it’s what I need most

bijouxbroussard · F

One of my friends experienced this as the Spanish-speaker in an interracial marriage—she married someone selfish. He didn’t want his wife and son speaking a language he couldn’t understand—and he couldn’t be bothered to learn Spanish himself. My friend acquiesced to keep the peace and didn’t teach her son Spanish (she still kicks herself for having given in).

Years later, she’s divorced, and her son is grown, but in the meantime he took the initiative to attend Spanish classes, and of course she helped him. So now he can communicate with his relatives on her side. Better late than never.

HootyTheNightOwl

Why hate yourself for a decision that was made for you???

You had no choice in what your mother decided - so, if we're looking to proportion hate here... shouldn't we be hating on mom for making the choice that she made. After all, it had some effects on you in your later life.

V00doo

I got to pick and choose which parts of which culture I wanted to celebrate.

SwampFlower · 31-35, F

Do you have a community you can connect with?

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SwampFlower · 31-35, F

@Yourdarlingstar Have you talked to your dad about it or others on that side?

Yourdarlingstar · 22-25

@SwampFlower yes but he doesn’t quite understand how I feel since he isn’t a very emotional person and he does sometimes talk about it but it’s more do to my coaxing talking to him about it

SwampFlower · 31-35, F

@Yourdarlingstar Your best teachers will be your relatives. I don’t think culture is something you earn by speaking a language or doing performative things. Those come naturally once you have community. It’s more about participating and relationships, which can be rebuilt.

Do you have aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents?

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