How do you take criticism without feeling defensive and then be so hard on yourself that you just cry when you finally get alone?

That's how I have schizophrenic relapses! I do my best to be strong, knowing he who is without sin cast the first stone, knowing full well that they are a sinner who has no right to be critical of me! Don't take their words to heart, they don't know anything......Christ takes away the sins of the world, your sins are forgiven, not shown for all to see.

Practice.
Keep in mind that someone being critical about what you do, what you wear or a choice you've made, is not you as a whole.Only those instances. Try to look through their words and see if there may be something you might be able to change, or if it is just that person being a jerk in the moment.

Lot of variables here.

Who is giving the criticism ?
In what context ?
Is it about your work or you ?
Is the person giving the criticism supposed to ?
Do you value whoever is giving it ?
etc.

depends how the criticism is given/delivered

cause obviously some people are sweet about it and others give no F'cks if you get your feelings hurt

I've been trying to be less hard on myself.. Since in my life ever since I started being hard on myself I became harder on others and more judgmental too..

There's a big difference between criticism and constructive criticism.

I consider the motives of the person giving the criticism