I question my faith? I just want a my broad in live in paradise with me

in my own planet, and those who achieve our understanding can only come to that planet. It will take death enlightenment and being resurrected. Oh death does everything have meaning or nothing has meaning. Should I spend on stripper and live like bum. I don't know I wish higher power will incorporate sex and purity in the afterlife. How can a hard penis that is above average that abstain make pleasure so beautiful. Sex is sacred and who understand what I speak of. I know what's the perfect size 7in vagina -7 1/2 inches with someone having a 9 inch penis. She also has to have a big behind and nice thighs.