My hot take on Doms

I think men aren’t actually that capable of being actual Doms. Simply by the fact that they aren’t ever going to be a mom. A mother is what a true Dom is, without the sexual gratification tied into it.

Most viewpoints are focused on the sexual aspects of sub/Dom relationships, completely ignoring the entire foundation of the long, real laborious caretaking role the Dom actually is supposed to undertake with their sub. And that is what a mother naturally does.

She thinks of others first, leads. Is both fierce, stern, and gentle. She guides her babies exactly where they need to go. They take care of someone else without taking anything in return, and that’s what a Dom is supposed to do. She is automatically tapped into her masculine energy through her mothering instincts.

Yes this could be argued with several different reasons, one being that there are terrible moms out there. That’s because they aren’t healed, and unfortunately we can’t stop an emotionally unhealed person from having children.

Now there are emotionally intelligent men, yes. But that’s if they do the work and their healing. If they aren’t afraid of their feminine energy and masculine energy combining, then they can attempt to be a true Dom.

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ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

I have been told by my family that I'm like both the mother & the father to my daughter. They also stressed that they weren't trying to insult me or Naya's mom, they were just pointing out that I both work my ass off & fully take care of my child in every way. I take pride in raising my child. I agree that most men aren't usually full caretakers in the way that mom's often are (even though my own mom wasn't one). Once when I was talking about my kid to one of my homies, he said back to me "I can't even tell you that much about my kids because their mom does all that. I just work."
I thought that was kinda sad. I know ALL about my kid. I even understand her better than her mom does most of the time but I'd never tell her that because she'd probably take it offensively lol. It trips me out how often I come across that stuff though. Dad's that don't change their kids diapers, take them baths, brush their teeth, set their sleep schedules or nap schedules. It's like so many don't know how to actually nurture a child's development so they just leave it to the mom since they're usually natural at it. Sorry, I'm not even talking about the dom/sub topic here I'm just talking about the parenting part 😅

I can see how men aren't usually caretakers in the same way women are expected to be. Men tend to focus on their physical work whereas women are often more attentive to the emotional work & actual presence as well. Physical work is easy to pick up. Anyone can do it. But emotional work & actual presence isn't as easy. & To realize you actually need that work, means putting ego aside. Which ironically, the men who call themselves doms aren't usually able to do

deathfairy ·

You sound like a present father, who understands your role and that’s the thing, you never seemed like you tripped up over your masculinity.

And I am in agreement with what someone else pointed out earlier, all men and women have all the qualities of a “true Dom”. As long as they have done the work to learn how to trust themselves, listen to hear others. They are not afraid of themselves, they merged their feminine and masculine energies and have done the self reflection and healing.

Because life is such a beautiful kaleidoscope of reality and perspective, it’s so customized to each persons own experience. I feel like I was already talking about something that was hard to articulate in the first place, and then I was also overlaying it or comparing it to what a mother role is, for the most part.

I understand there are good fathers, my son’s dad is an amazing father. I wouldn’t change anything. But most of the work still fell on me. And until we start raising men to do more for themselves, it will stay this way. Where they try to seek power through dominance they don’t even possess. True power isn’t loud or aggressive.

Anyway, we are branching off into topics now that aren’t really the main point here. I am happy to continue, it’s just hard to overlay so many different aspects of all of these categories and tie them all together. @ChiefJustWalks