My worst fear came to pass the night my wife died
I live on a hill. It's pretty steep. With no sidewalks on a very narrow Street. My son is confined to a wheelchair. For years my biggest fear was that his wheelchair gets away from me and rolls down the hill with him in it. And that's exactly what happened when we got home that night.
I did everything as I always do. I parked the van, put his chair in place with the wheels locked then proceeded to lower him down to street level from the van. I transferred him to his chair no problems. We (I) had a bunch of stuff to bring up to the house so I was going to maximize that first trip like I always do. And when my son is in his chair, I don't take my hands off it. I had to put my jacket on so I made an exception to that rule and before I can get my first arm through the sleeve of the jacket, his chair starts to roll. I slammed the jacket off my arm and went to reach for the chair but it was already Out Of Reach so I started running for it. I hadn't been very active that day or a couple days prior due to the hospice situation with my wife. When I started to run, my legs felt like they had sand in them. So I started to run faster. I ran as fast as I could and the faster I ran, the faster he built up speed. I couldn't bear to see him get away from me I did not want to witness such a tragedy ever, especially not on a day I've already witnessed so much tragedy. I got your point where my only option was to make a Hail Mary dive for the chair so I did, and was lucky enough to get my hand caught in the spokes, which caused the chair to make and immediate left turn luckily my son stayed in the chair and I ended up on my back with a death grip on that left wheel after smashing my knee an elbow on the street and injuring my rotator cuff on my shoulder and some minor cuts and bruising to my hand...
It was one of those things that makes you cringe every time you think about the other possibilities. As it was he must have rolled at least 35 ft before I was able to stop him and when I did, the toy he was holding on to flew out of his lap and slid another 25 or 30 ft down the street.
I laid there for a few minutes trying to recover, making those old men injured noises we make when we hurt ourselves "ahhhh" on the exhale, "thhhhh.." on the inhale. You know the sounds. They're the sounds we were forced to exchange our tears for when we were still children, during that whole Boys Don't Cry campaign. What a crock of shit that was, huh?
Anyway, I laid there for a few minutes going over my injuries and forming a plan for getting back on my feet without losing the chair or bending my knee.. obviously we made it up into the house
As I was limping up the driveway, it occurred to me that it could have been a sign. Maybe it was my wife telling me that heaven was real, it's great and she's taking my son with her. To her I have to say sorry dear, but not on your life, ..or rather, death. ..or your limboness or wherever you are, at whatever stage, I'm not ready to lose him too. She never thought about my feelings.
I have to be strong and stick to my convictions about whenever people will ask why would God be so cruel to children by taking them back before they had a chance to live. I always say it's because God knows where they're going and it's probably great and we're going to be glad when we're there and wonder why we hold on here so long.
Time only exists here. Here where everything is temporary. So we have to live with the frustration of the separation even if for the rest of our lives which are also temporary and even if we live to be a thousand, compared to eternity, a thousand is not even a blank of an eye. That's what makes it all makes sense to me
To paint the whole picture, had I not been able to stop my son's chair from rolling, he would have likely rolled another 300 ft and smashed into a parked car or glanced off it and continued about a thousand feet down the street til the end of the block where he would have T-boned into a parked car. Either one of them would have killed him. If he would have missed the first parked car to the left, he would have flown off an embankment that's over 100 ft High and landed on the street below if not smashing into one of the oak trees on the way. The house that's on that property is one of those houses on stilts with lots of stairs separating all the living areas.
And when I started pushing them back up the hill, the brakes were still on. I swear to God. I don't know if he took the brakes off and put them back on. I don't know why he would. He's never done it before.. but even with the brakes on the wheels still roll but there's lots of friction. It shouldn't have rolled that fast so quickly with the amount of friction the brakes add.
It's a chair I got on Amazon when my wife had to get around with the Walker. It was difficult to load everything into the van so I got my son a lighter, more portable wheelchair. My plan was to transfer all the quality parts from his other chairs onto this chair but nothing I have collected over the years will bolt directly on. I have to do some modifying to it and haven't really had the chance. Everything's been happening so fast.
I did everything as I always do. I parked the van, put his chair in place with the wheels locked then proceeded to lower him down to street level from the van. I transferred him to his chair no problems. We (I) had a bunch of stuff to bring up to the house so I was going to maximize that first trip like I always do. And when my son is in his chair, I don't take my hands off it. I had to put my jacket on so I made an exception to that rule and before I can get my first arm through the sleeve of the jacket, his chair starts to roll. I slammed the jacket off my arm and went to reach for the chair but it was already Out Of Reach so I started running for it. I hadn't been very active that day or a couple days prior due to the hospice situation with my wife. When I started to run, my legs felt like they had sand in them. So I started to run faster. I ran as fast as I could and the faster I ran, the faster he built up speed. I couldn't bear to see him get away from me I did not want to witness such a tragedy ever, especially not on a day I've already witnessed so much tragedy. I got your point where my only option was to make a Hail Mary dive for the chair so I did, and was lucky enough to get my hand caught in the spokes, which caused the chair to make and immediate left turn luckily my son stayed in the chair and I ended up on my back with a death grip on that left wheel after smashing my knee an elbow on the street and injuring my rotator cuff on my shoulder and some minor cuts and bruising to my hand...
It was one of those things that makes you cringe every time you think about the other possibilities. As it was he must have rolled at least 35 ft before I was able to stop him and when I did, the toy he was holding on to flew out of his lap and slid another 25 or 30 ft down the street.
I laid there for a few minutes trying to recover, making those old men injured noises we make when we hurt ourselves "ahhhh" on the exhale, "thhhhh.." on the inhale. You know the sounds. They're the sounds we were forced to exchange our tears for when we were still children, during that whole Boys Don't Cry campaign. What a crock of shit that was, huh?
Anyway, I laid there for a few minutes going over my injuries and forming a plan for getting back on my feet without losing the chair or bending my knee.. obviously we made it up into the house
As I was limping up the driveway, it occurred to me that it could have been a sign. Maybe it was my wife telling me that heaven was real, it's great and she's taking my son with her. To her I have to say sorry dear, but not on your life, ..or rather, death. ..or your limboness or wherever you are, at whatever stage, I'm not ready to lose him too. She never thought about my feelings.
I have to be strong and stick to my convictions about whenever people will ask why would God be so cruel to children by taking them back before they had a chance to live. I always say it's because God knows where they're going and it's probably great and we're going to be glad when we're there and wonder why we hold on here so long.
Time only exists here. Here where everything is temporary. So we have to live with the frustration of the separation even if for the rest of our lives which are also temporary and even if we live to be a thousand, compared to eternity, a thousand is not even a blank of an eye. That's what makes it all makes sense to me
To paint the whole picture, had I not been able to stop my son's chair from rolling, he would have likely rolled another 300 ft and smashed into a parked car or glanced off it and continued about a thousand feet down the street til the end of the block where he would have T-boned into a parked car. Either one of them would have killed him. If he would have missed the first parked car to the left, he would have flown off an embankment that's over 100 ft High and landed on the street below if not smashing into one of the oak trees on the way. The house that's on that property is one of those houses on stilts with lots of stairs separating all the living areas.
And when I started pushing them back up the hill, the brakes were still on. I swear to God. I don't know if he took the brakes off and put them back on. I don't know why he would. He's never done it before.. but even with the brakes on the wheels still roll but there's lots of friction. It shouldn't have rolled that fast so quickly with the amount of friction the brakes add.
It's a chair I got on Amazon when my wife had to get around with the Walker. It was difficult to load everything into the van so I got my son a lighter, more portable wheelchair. My plan was to transfer all the quality parts from his other chairs onto this chair but nothing I have collected over the years will bolt directly on. I have to do some modifying to it and haven't really had the chance. Everything's been happening so fast.
56-60, M
