I'm sorry but another sad post.
Someone I admire told me that they were emotionally dependent on their mother before she passed. It shocked me, hearing that from someone who I know has been through so much.
I'm emotionally dependent on my mother, too. I'm terrified because both of my parents are just getting older and older and I still haven't done anything with my life. And I'm nowhere near doing anything with my life. I'm a failure. All I ever do is get into arguments with my grumpy old father, get hurt, drink the pain away, and worry my mom. And it's just a cycle. And they don't stop getting older.
I never expected there would come a day when I would be wondering about life without them. I was always just childish and assumed they'd always be here. They won't.
What happens after death? Is there a higher power? That's something I also always assumed. But after seeing something disturbing recently, and it just causing my entire mind and perception of life and reality to change, I just don't know. I think we're born and we suffer, some of us longer than others, and then we're gone. I can only hope that something good comes after that. Because the suffering I know exists here—because I've seen it—is beyond what I ever thought was possible.
I'm just so scared and I feel so useless and disappointing to everyone around me. There was a time I was a small child with no expectations put on me. I was happy. I never grew out of that. People think I have because I'm an adult but I didn't. Nobody can expect anything of me. I'm still just a child.
I really hope there is a God waiting to tell me that everything is okay and I didn't do anything wrong. I fucked up and failed my life so hard. And recently I've realized that there are situations and people in this world who have been through worse than most people can imagine, without a parent or a god to ever comfort them. I hope something good waits for them too. But I just don't know.
I'm emotionally dependent on my mother, too. I'm terrified because both of my parents are just getting older and older and I still haven't done anything with my life. And I'm nowhere near doing anything with my life. I'm a failure. All I ever do is get into arguments with my grumpy old father, get hurt, drink the pain away, and worry my mom. And it's just a cycle. And they don't stop getting older.
I never expected there would come a day when I would be wondering about life without them. I was always just childish and assumed they'd always be here. They won't.
What happens after death? Is there a higher power? That's something I also always assumed. But after seeing something disturbing recently, and it just causing my entire mind and perception of life and reality to change, I just don't know. I think we're born and we suffer, some of us longer than others, and then we're gone. I can only hope that something good comes after that. Because the suffering I know exists here—because I've seen it—is beyond what I ever thought was possible.
I'm just so scared and I feel so useless and disappointing to everyone around me. There was a time I was a small child with no expectations put on me. I was happy. I never grew out of that. People think I have because I'm an adult but I didn't. Nobody can expect anything of me. I'm still just a child.
I really hope there is a God waiting to tell me that everything is okay and I didn't do anything wrong. I fucked up and failed my life so hard. And recently I've realized that there are situations and people in this world who have been through worse than most people can imagine, without a parent or a god to ever comfort them. I hope something good waits for them too. But I just don't know.
