It's just KiwiDan whining again

There really isn't much point to this. Feeling isolated again after nearly fucking up and my friend cancelling our plans at the last minute (those two things are unrelated and happened several days apart). Nobody ever wants to spend time with me outside of work, and at this point I'm pretty sure it's because they have to tolerate me at work but don't actually like me that much despite what they claim. Everyone has always had something they'd rather be doing and someone else they'd rather be doing it with. I'm not sure there are that many people outside my immediate family who would miss me if I stopped showing up. But I don't want to die any more, which I think is some decent progress. I'm working on being a decent friend to myself, which is very slow-going but seems to be helping at least a bit. I still worry far too much about what others think of me though, and have to work on being better on my own - I don't dislike my own company any more, which is a start, but there's much more to do.