In the end..NOBODY was there for me...
I cried ALOT today...5 long yrs of desperate dreams flushed in a toilet..i find my life always ends this way..
Tears streamed down my face, soaking my pillow. My heart is broken. In the end, i realized reality sucks major donkey.
I have fought so hard to try and be better than what i USED TO BE!
I always gave 100 percent to him..honesty, faithfulness, integrity..isnt that what men require? ..yet only 10 percent was recieved. I gave all I had, effort, time, talent..even finances to help someone else..and im numb..maybe even drained at this point.
Ive spent my time in this life helping others out, dont undestand why! I just keep giving inspite of being hurt, broken, used..
I had totally tried so hard today, to make myself get up, wash it off, brush it off..get up and try harder.
In a world of not good enough and evil lurking around every thought, I USED to enjoy myself being used. Need a hug, a handshake or a handout? I was there! 🙋
But, as time has shifted people, places, and life sets in, I've realized my heart was in vain, my efforts were useless, my whole existence was for somebody's needs, never my own.. id please them and i felt better..well, after today, not anymore.
When did people become so HATEFUL and BITTER??
All I did was be a friend..offer stability, hope, happiness, tried to encourage them..and it wasnt regarding anything but i wanted , DESIRED, to help them out...i took their pain, added it to my own..yet, they left me empty and i cant refill this void..i need acceptance, i need love, i need to feel something..ANYTHING at this point...im washed out, dried up ..useless...helpless, decieved, poor, broken..
I got told by the one person I ADORED today, that my efforts were appreciated, but no longer needed...so thats it? 🤔 i gave YOU what u asked for, i went ABOVE AND BEYOND what u need, and im no longer needed? Wow..just wow!
I cried a mountain of tears...id been there for YOU, 5 LONG YEARS!!! In prison, you sat rotting away, i wrote EVERYDAY, EVERY WEEK, EVERY MONTH, EVERY YEAR! I put my WHOLE ♥ heart ♡ on the line for you..and NEVER EVER asked questions, never would I...why should I?
I carried YOU through this..and now..Because i CARE FOR U, I LOVE U, I WANTED U! You decided i dont deserve love in return?
And here you go telling me, I am no longer needed..uh..ok? 🤔
Go on ahead boo...let me go..ill stop, drop, roll, whatever u ask me to do >I'D VOLUNTEER TO DO IT AGAIN!
I sat there, staring at your last text message, tears welling up in my eyes..it read,
-"I LOVE YOU, BUT IM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU..THANKS FOR ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR ME..I GREATLY APPRECIATED IT. IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL, I WILL BE THERE FOR YA, JUST ASK."
Riiiight..so i wanted a hug, a call, a loving person to respond..and i get a message..IF I NEED just ask...nah..
Im good boo.
You do you.
I'll let you go with each tear drop, my efforts in vain, my heart broken, my life destroyed, yet..i STILL LOVE YOU.
You know it hurts to give 100 percent and they don't even give 10 percent, but what hurts the most for me? I WOULD NEVER ask for anything. I got all i need, EXCEPT loved in return.
I'll be ok..i pick myself up and I rebuild my broken self one heartache at a time.
You do u boo, I GOTCH YOU.
Tears streamed down my face, soaking my pillow. My heart is broken. In the end, i realized reality sucks major donkey.
I have fought so hard to try and be better than what i USED TO BE!
I always gave 100 percent to him..honesty, faithfulness, integrity..isnt that what men require? ..yet only 10 percent was recieved. I gave all I had, effort, time, talent..even finances to help someone else..and im numb..maybe even drained at this point.
Ive spent my time in this life helping others out, dont undestand why! I just keep giving inspite of being hurt, broken, used..
I had totally tried so hard today, to make myself get up, wash it off, brush it off..get up and try harder.
In a world of not good enough and evil lurking around every thought, I USED to enjoy myself being used. Need a hug, a handshake or a handout? I was there! 🙋
But, as time has shifted people, places, and life sets in, I've realized my heart was in vain, my efforts were useless, my whole existence was for somebody's needs, never my own.. id please them and i felt better..well, after today, not anymore.
When did people become so HATEFUL and BITTER??
All I did was be a friend..offer stability, hope, happiness, tried to encourage them..and it wasnt regarding anything but i wanted , DESIRED, to help them out...i took their pain, added it to my own..yet, they left me empty and i cant refill this void..i need acceptance, i need love, i need to feel something..ANYTHING at this point...im washed out, dried up ..useless...helpless, decieved, poor, broken..
I got told by the one person I ADORED today, that my efforts were appreciated, but no longer needed...so thats it? 🤔 i gave YOU what u asked for, i went ABOVE AND BEYOND what u need, and im no longer needed? Wow..just wow!
I cried a mountain of tears...id been there for YOU, 5 LONG YEARS!!! In prison, you sat rotting away, i wrote EVERYDAY, EVERY WEEK, EVERY MONTH, EVERY YEAR! I put my WHOLE ♥ heart ♡ on the line for you..and NEVER EVER asked questions, never would I...why should I?
I carried YOU through this..and now..Because i CARE FOR U, I LOVE U, I WANTED U! You decided i dont deserve love in return?
And here you go telling me, I am no longer needed..uh..ok? 🤔
Go on ahead boo...let me go..ill stop, drop, roll, whatever u ask me to do >I'D VOLUNTEER TO DO IT AGAIN!
I sat there, staring at your last text message, tears welling up in my eyes..it read,
-"I LOVE YOU, BUT IM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU..THANKS FOR ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR ME..I GREATLY APPRECIATED IT. IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL, I WILL BE THERE FOR YA, JUST ASK."
Riiiight..so i wanted a hug, a call, a loving person to respond..and i get a message..IF I NEED just ask...nah..
Im good boo.
You do you.
I'll let you go with each tear drop, my efforts in vain, my heart broken, my life destroyed, yet..i STILL LOVE YOU.
You know it hurts to give 100 percent and they don't even give 10 percent, but what hurts the most for me? I WOULD NEVER ask for anything. I got all i need, EXCEPT loved in return.
I'll be ok..i pick myself up and I rebuild my broken self one heartache at a time.
You do u boo, I GOTCH YOU.
41-45, F
