Sometimes I think that the reason I don't end up with a nice guy is that it's just so alien to me

When you didn't grow up with it, you feel out of place in the presence of a truly caring person. Like they are on a level that I don't belong at with them. I'm not saying that I'm a mean person, I genuinely love and care for people around me. But there's still this glass wall between giving that out and receiving it for myself.

Can anyone relate to this?

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OlderSometimesWiser · F

I think unless a sincere effort is made to break a pattern, people tend to live what they know. Plus in your case I’d imagine that growing up as you did, your self worth and self esteem took a hit which would likely complicate matters.

Kuronekko · 41-45, F

@OlderSometimesWiser its ingrained and affects my subconscious choices for sure.

Heartlander · 80-89, M

@Kuronekko

people tend to live what they know

That really becomes obvious when you observe family patterns. There are exceptions of course, but close, supportive family members influence one another and outside relationships are often picked with the consent or anticipated consent of other family members. As the children grow up and pick would-be spouses, the would be spouses are often ones that will blend in with the larger family.

With dysfunctional families it's just the opposite, and as family expands, it tends to draw in those who contribute to the dysfunction.