I hope there is nothing after this

I think I am not interested in bliss anymore. Certainly not interested in the eternal.
I am not going to let reality dangle the concept of the divine in front of me anymore, just out of reach...
I chase nothing.
I want nothing.
Screw all this noise. The whole spectrum of noise...good and bad.
I don't want another life, I don't want heaven...
I want nothing.

My joyous days have passed. I have cooled to them. In the educated world, amidst human beings, I feel the disadvantages of life too strongly, but alone, far from the crowd, I turn to stone. In this trance anything can happen, I see neither others nor myself. I do nothing and do not notice the actions either of others or myself - and I am at peace, I am indifferent. There can be no happiness for me, and I will not succumb to unhappiness.”
― Ivan Goncharov, The Same Old Story