To hell with that guyI complain a lot, and who wants to read my complaints all the time? nobody. I know. But seriously, some random guy just called me a fat **** as he was walking past me in the supermarket. That isn't motivation, its fuel for more self abuse through... See More »
I’m in a bad mood todayI would be happier, I think, if all there was was oblivion after this and it didn’t mean a damn thing. Because I hate the idea that there might be an existence beyond ours that is pure and perfect and serene, blissful and eternal and…we are locked... See More »
Why am I here?Now my mum has basically said she doesn't want me to keep asking her for advice. Which...I mean - fine? I guess. I'm not going to sit and complain about people because I know nobody wants to hear it. It's not productive anyway. I don't know what... See More »
Can’t stop the painI don’t know what else to say. No matter how much I learn and grow I just hurt. All the time. Daydreams are where I express my love and see it reflected back to me. And my heart hurts, because it’s not enough I long for a love that I am not... See More »
I love doctor whoNcuti Gatwa is amazing as the Doctor. I had a lot of fun with Jodi Whittaker too. The flux episodes were brilliant. I used to get myself a bottle of wine and a Chinese and watch each week. Loved John bishop in those episodes, I’d love to see him... See More »
I believe in the spiritualBut I resent that I feel so cut off from it. I wish I could experience more of it like so many others seem to.
I wish for some thingsI don't wish my life was over but I wish it was something else. I wish I was someone else. I wish I could start again with what I know now, as someone else. I wish for a life that can give me confidence and agency, teach me how to have fun and... See More »
I have hopeI am completely, utterly, totally…wholly, in love with you. I want to live a life with you, marry you, grow old with you. I want to see everything that you are and tell you how wonderful it is. I want to celebrate and enjoy our passions together.... See More »
A little self talkYou weren't too loud, you were happy and exicited and relaxed...you like to wear your emotions and share them. That's you. You didn't say anything weird, it's not your fault they laughed, you were being vulnerable and that makes some people feel... See More »
Fear of losing myselfI have this fear that I will be eternally damaged. Or that I will be unrecognisable as an individual, either to myself or others. Idk - there is something about my life that makes me feel like it is eating away at everything that makes me... See More »
When you know GodWhen you know God, everything else just sort of falls away… That just came to me and I felt like I had to write it down.
Pointless being meIt’s pointless being here on earth, living like this…when God exists. I heard him speak to me in the small hours of the morning, a quiet but strong presence and a voice in my mind. “I know only love” is what God said to me. I asked him why he... See More »
I want to be patient and kindI need to be kinder to myself. I never realised before that I ignore myself, and I do not care about myself. I don't love and acknowledge myself in the way I do others! I take it for granted that I exist...and that is that.
I want peaceI am desperate for peace. Sometimes I think I want solitude, because company and general every day life is so noisy. But then when you do get solitude, all the noise in side of you seems so much louder and the anxiety and discomfort of being gets... See More »
I could be a better person if I loved myself moreIn my mind I keep thinking I’m a horrible and worthless person, but I think maybe that thought process is the reason I let myself down in the first place. I could be calmer and kinder and more patient for example, if I believed for a second that I w... See More »
Death and denialIt always seems unexpected somehow. Even when you really DO know it's coming. I knew when I took my dog to the vets, the chances of getting to bring him back were almost zero. He was very old and very ill. That's why I took him to the vets after... See More »
A Rose by any other shakespereSomehow I believed, for a moment. I believed that if I asked a question then I would get an answer...to whatever I asked. I thought that 'listening to God' feels like believing. - I couldnt tell you how long I have been struggling with the idea of... See More »